“Dude, I am beat.”
Carter strips off his shirt and tosses it into the hamper next to his dresser. I get an unobstructed view of his rippling back, and I will my heart not to beat straight out of my chest. It’s like a fantasy. I’m sitting on the edge of his bed and he’s getting undressed.
He turns around and I try my best not to stare at his chest, six-pack, v-lines, or the telltale bulge in his sweatpants. It’s a losing battle. He’s the sexiest person in the world, and he’s mostly undressing himself right in front of me.
“Are you good?” he asks. He bites his lower lips and tries to gauge my reaction. “I’m wiped from that game. We can play video games or something, but I’m pretty much ready for bed.”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” I echo, somewhat relieved. Maybe it was the weather, but even watching the game took a lot out of me. I’d stay up with Carter as long as he wanted to, but I could fall asleep in about a second.
I sit on the edge of the bed and try to temper my expectations while I wait for Carter to join me. I thought tonight was going to be another exciting sexual romp for the two of us - and it was already - but maybe he really is pooped and we’re going to go straight to sleep. Disappointing, but I can’t expect too much from this, just like Ko and Katy were saying. After our bout in the car, I might be getting greedy.
As usual, I catch myself thinking too hard about the situation at hand and shake myself out of it only to notice Carter staring at me with a weird expression on his face. He looks somewhat quizzical, but doesn’t say anything. It’s not an unfriendly look, just a bit unnerving.
“What?” I finally ask, tired of the silence and glaring.
“Aren’t you going to get ready for bed?” he asks with a smirk.
Shit. So wrapped up in my own head that I completely ignore the thing that a normal human would do. I sheepishly get up from the bed and rummage through my backpack for all the stuff I’ll need for the night. I eventually manage to find some pajama pants, a t-shirt, a toothbrush, and toothpaste. That should be everything.
In the bathroom, I change my clothes, wash my face, and brush my teeth. I take a last look in the mirror before I head back out and decide that I look pretty darn good. Maybe it’s just the light in the bathroom, but I think I’m starting to see some of what Sam said he could a few weeks ago. I wouldn’t say I’m glowing or anything, but I’m taken up by a new sense of confidence with what I’m seeing in the mirror. Why wouldn’t Carter want this? With an eleventh hour decision, I strip off my shirt and toss it back in the bag.
When I get out of the bathroom, Carter’s already in bed, with the blankets pushed down to his feet and just a sheet covering him up to just below his hips. There’s no way it’s an accident - he couldn’t look hotter or more inviting if he tried.
I tuck into the other side of the bed and try not to think about how I’m fighting off a boner. I mean, I want one eventually, but maybe not right this second. I match Carter’s supine position and hike the sheets up to at least cover my crotch for a little more protection.
Carter turns over a little to face me better. He’s less than a foot away and whether he wants to or not, he’s radiating a sexual energy towards me.
“You can pull up the blankets if you want,” he says, “I’m pretty hot right now, but I’ll probably cool off soon.”
I’ll agree with him on that one. He’s hot as hell.
He continues. “I think I’m still flushed from that car ride.” He lifts his body to prop his head up on his elbow. “Seriously, I don’t know if I’ve ever cum that hard in my life.”
With that he reaches his other hand over to me and places it on my stomach. I swallow hard and know that there’s no point in even pretending that I’m not hard anymore. Even out of the corner of my eye I can see a tent forming down under the sheets, just a few inches away from Carter’s hand.
“Yeah,” I sputter out in a daze, “I liked it too, so don’t worry.”
He slides his hand downward to my waistband, then moves across it back and forth, letting the tips of his fingers slide under it just the slightest bit. It feels like there’s an electric current coming out of them and into my body. I twitch a little in anticipation.
“You make me feel so good, Jackson, it’s… it’s crazy.”
I don’t manage to get more of a reply out than a breathy sigh. I can’t believe this is happening.
“I just came like twenty minutes ago, but I’m still so turned on,” he continues. He’s definitely not the only one.
“Me too,” I say in between breaths.
“Jackson, can I ask you something?”
As I much as I love where we’re at already, I turn over to face Carter. It sacrifices the easy access that his hand has on my waist, but I have to look at him. I’m struck immediately by the intensity of his look right now. He looks so… vulnerable. Like a completely new part of him is exposed to the outside world. He’s being so open and emotional.
“Of course you can,” I assure him. His face softens.
“Can I…” He swallows hard and refocuses. “Can I try it?”
Are you kidding me? I try as hard as I can not to laugh at how crazy that question is. Asking a sixteen year old dude if you can try to suck his dick?
Um, yeah, that’ll probably be ok. You can try it as many times as you want. Right?
But then another thought strikes me. What’s he really asking me? Why all the fear and vulnerability? Is he asking...
Because at the exact instant I’m on the verge of having what I can only assume is about to be a game changing revelation, Carter reaches into the waistband of my pants and wraps his hand around my cock.
“Can I?” he asks again, stroking gently up and down along my shaft.
I tell myself that it’s not real. He probably doesn’t actually want me. He just likes the sex. He just likes getting off with me.
He pushes his hand farther into my pants and lightly grazes his fingertips across my smooth ball sack. It sends another involuntary shudder through my entire body.
He doesn’t care about me. He has a girlfriend. It’s physical, nothing more. Ko and Katy tried to warn me...
His other hand reaches in and he starts going to work on both sides. One hand slowly and smoothly jerking me off, and the other caressing my balls.
It’s not real. It’s not real. This isn’t what I want!
The word passes through my lips and I am powerless to stop it. No matter what my subconscious is trying to say, my cock is sending a message loud and clear. The hottest person in the entire world is telling me how good I make him feel and asking to suck my dick. The answer from Jackson Jr. down there in my pants is “Yes, yes yes!”
I roll onto my back to allow easier access for Carter’s hand and eventually his mouth. He turns fully onto his side and starts slowly stroking me up and down. He’s been here before. The first few times he did it there was some hesitation and awkwardness - it was almost clumsy at first. But now Carter has a smooth motion that he knows I like, and adding to it is a new and exciting sense of anticipation. The best is yet to come.
As much as I like how it’s feeling already, I want to move things along. I lift my butt off the bed the slightest bit. Carter takes the hint and releases my dick long enough to slide my pants down onto my thighs and throw back the sheets to the bottom of the bed. Now fully exposed, Carter works back into a steady rhythm, sending waves of pleasure across my body.
I look down at Carter, whose face is about level with my chest right now, and I see him assess my tool in an entirely new way. I know exactly what he’s thinking. It’s one thing to touch, hold, or look at someone’s cock, but it’s entirely different when you’re looking at it and trying to think about how you’re about to put it into your mouth. The first time I went down on Carter, as much as I wanted it, it was still a little intimidating to think about putting that thing in my mouth.
“Dude, please do it,” I encourage, trying to snap his hesitation before he gets cold feet altogether. I see Carter shuffle downward and lean over me, slowing his jerking. As he stops altogether, I close my eyes and brace myself for what’s about to happen.
Suddenly I feel an incredible warmness on the exposed head of my cock and a bolt of pleasure shoots through my entire body. It stops for a second and then comes back. My whole head slips into his mouth and I moan lightly at the warm, moist feelings all over it.
He pulls off again and I feel a tongue slide along underside of the head. I twitch involuntarily and I know a big drop of precum probably just slid onto Carter’s tongue. He stops and pulls off for a second and I tense up, waiting for his reaction to it. To my relief I feel another lick travel slowly up my shaft, starting a little bit lower this time. After a few more of those he takes me back in his mouth and starts working his way deeper and deeper down my dick.
Over the course of a few minutes Carter starts to get less tentative, and after a little bit of initial exploration, he starts to settle into a steady flow. I open my eyes and look down, and it’s all I can do not to cum as I watch his dirty blonde head slowly bobbing up and down in my lap. God, this is amazing.
After another minute or so, Carter pulls off and looks up at me.
“Is this good?” he asks.
With his eyes rolled up toward me and his mouth hovering a quarter of an inch above the tip of my dick, it might just be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Carter Mulkins is giving me a blowjob!
“Yeah,” I tell him, “it feels so great.” I catch the faintest hint of a smile from Carter and it makes my heart skip a beat. Could he be any more beautiful?
“What else can I do?” he asks.
It’s a fair question. I try to think of a good way to explain it. When I gave my first blowjob I thought about what Sam had done to me and how it felt, then tried to duplicate it. It shouldn’t be that different for Carter.
“Do you remember what I did to you in the car?” I ask.
“Yeah, of course,” he says smiling. “It was amazing” He looks back down to my cock and puts a hand around it. He works it up and down a few times as though testing something out. “How about this?” he asks.
He drops his mouth back down around me and works his hand in tandem with his mouth, sliding up and down. His mouth is only hitting the top few inches as it bobs up and down, but his hand is working the bottom half of me and it feels spectacular.
“Oh yeah,” I moan, “that’s great.”
Encouraged by my praise, he picks up the pace and it’s not long before I start losing myself in the feelings of pleasure that Carter is creating down in my nether regions. I thrust my hips up to meet his motions and within only a minute or two I can feel my orgasm building.
“Oh god,” I moan again. He has me close.
Without warning, Carter pulls off with his mouth and releases his hand. My wet, hard dick slaps against my stomach. I’m about to look down and see what’s happening when I feel the smooth wetness of Carter’s tongue trace a line along one of my testicles. I jump at the sensation, unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and I feel a few drops of precum ooze out.
“Oh fuck, Carter,” I barely manage to squeak out between violent shudders.
He keeps running his tongue across my balls and I cease to function for the duration. It doesn’t feel as good as having my cock in his mouth, but it’s sending jolts of electricity through my body every time he makes contact. I never really knew how sensitive I could be down there, and I’m entirely at Carter’s mercy.
Finally Carter takes one last long, hard stroke across my smooth sack with his tongue, then runs it the rest of way back up all the way to the very tip of my penis, which I can only imagine is practically gushing precum at this point. It doesn’t slow down Carter though, as he gets right back onto it and starts engulfing my cock in his mouth.
He doesn’t put his hand back on it, but instead starts taking more and more of me into his mouth as he goes. I can feel his lips moving down across the first few inches of my length, then past the halfway point, then even farther. He doesn’t quite have the whole thing in there like Sam was able to do, but it’s damn close, and it feels damn good. I can’t imagine I’m going to last much longer if he doesn’t...
“How did you do it Jackson?” he suddenly asks, taking a short breather, jerking me off in the meantime. “How did you get it all the way in? I want…” He looks up and makes eye contact. “I want to get the whole thing.”
Is this actually happening? As if the blowjob in general wasn’t enough, I feel like I’m in a dream, living my wildest fantasy in real life. I never thought I would be looking down at Carter and have him ask me how to get the rest of my dick in his mouth.
“I dunno,” I answer. “You just kind of relax everything and try to open up the back of your mouth and your throat.” I try to think about the first time I ever was able to do it and what I changed up to make it happen. It’s sort of like trying to breathe it in while you’re moving your head forward. “Maybe try to think of it like… Ahhh!”
I practically yell out loud as Carter suddenly takes me all the way to the hilt, putting his nose down into my neatly trimmed pubic hair. Holy shit!
Carter pulls off and before I can react pushes forward all the way again. He repeats the process three or four more times and I can’t believe how good it feels. How the hell did he learn how to do this so quickly?
“Oh god, I’m gonna…”
I can’t even finish the sentence, because he buries me deep into his throat one last time and holds it there. My dick has never felt this good. The strongest orgasm I’ve ever had in my life spreads like fire across my body and I blast my load into the back of Carter’s throat. My cock surges so many times I lose count and still Carter is holding me all the way in.
I pull out, overwhelmed by all the sensation in the head of my dick. I couldn’t stay for another second, and I’m shocked that Carter was able to deepthroat me for that long. I gasp for breath and fall back onto the bed, completely numb from the orgasm that just ripped through my body. I can’t move, I can’t talk - I can’t even think right now. I float deeper and deeper into the fog of post-cum contentment.
Carter’s voice cuts through the haze and brings me back to reality.
“Wha... What?” I say dreamily. I hope it’s not a hard question, because I don’t know if I can form a complete sentence right now.
I crack my eyes open and see him leaning over me. His eyes are wide and he looks so vulnerable and sexy at the same time.
“Was that alright?” he asks.
I put my hand on his head and stroke it through his hair once. “That was… amazing.” I say, repeating back to him the same thing he told me a few weeks ago the first time I went down on him.
I see him smile, then relax down onto the bed next to me. He doesn’t exactly cuddle with me, but he slides in close to my side and lets part of our bodies touch.
“Good,” he says.
I try to lock in this feeling, this moment, the image of Carter’s smile. It’s perfect. Right now, it’s perfect.
I wake up feeling more rested and content than I have in a long time. Maybe it was the blowjob, maybe I was tuckered out after being out in the cold during the football game. But really, I know it’s Carter.
It’s not just the blowjob, in other words. It’s where we are right now, right this second. Carter isn’t exactly spooning me, but he’s nestled in just behind me, as close as he could be, but with only the slightest bit of actual touching. We’re not quite at that point yet, but it’s still an incredible closeness, and a sense of ease with one another. What was it he said last night? That I “make him feel good,” I think.
After a few minutes of basking in the feeling, I turn over to look at him. I can’t help but smile as I watch him sleep. He’s so peaceful, and as always incredibly hot. His whole face is totally relaxed, and I study each perfect line and contour of his sleeping expression. Beautiful is the only word I can think of that really does it justice.
It’s almost like he can feel my eyes on him, because he stirs in his sleep and his eyes begin to flutter.
Carter smiles up at me sleepily, and I know what I have to do. I lean down to him, and before either of us has a chance to sprint for the exit, I plant a soft kiss directly on his lips.
As I break the kiss, I open my eyes hesitantly. We’re here at the precipice, and I’m so scared of what I’ll find. I can feel the familiar tightness of anxiety in my chest as I watch Carter’s eyes fully open, and brace myself as he makes eye contact. I’m finally here, and the two of us and our “relationship,” or whatever it is, are teetering on the brink of oblivion.
And it falls straight off the fucking cliff.
“What are you doing?”
The bottom of my stomach drops a hundred miles at the sound of that question. I suddenly can’t breathe, and the tightness in my chest washes down across my torso and into my limbs with an uncomfortable, cold burn.
“Sorry,” I mumble, willing myself not to burst into tears right here and now. It’s all happening, just like Ko thought it would. “I didn’t mean to…”
“That’s not cool,” he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. It’s so matter of fact, like it’s in a science textbook or something. It is definitively not cool to kiss Carter Mulkins on the mouth if you are Jackson Willard.
“It just… I don’t know what came over me,” I say, apologizing again.
“That’s gay, Jackson.”
He said it.
It puts everything into perspective. I’m hit with the memory of him last night before he went down on me and he asked if it was ‘ok.’ Now I understand. He wasn’t asking if it was ok for me, he was asking if it was ok for him. Like he needed to know if trying it was going to take him past some mythical point of no return. Up to that point he was able to excuse himself for everything we’d done together, but he wasn’t sure if that would be possible to come back from.
And that’s where I should have stopped myself. That look he was giving me last night and that question from Carter made it clear exactly what we were doing. He knows I’m gay and he knows that it’s no big deal for me to do down on a guy. That’s what you do when you’re gay. But if he, a straight boy, did it, then it would irreparably change something.
Carter is loving how were getting off together, but doesn’t ever want to put himself in a position where he’s gay. He’s straight, and that’s all there is to it. How did I not let myself see it before right now? I’m a fool, and I’ve been letting myself fall deeper and deeper down the straight boy rabbit hole, and in the end I’ll be paying the price.
I should have seen that Carter was trying to draw a line in the sand. He was pushing that line farther and farther along, letting us do more and more, but it was still there. And on his side of the line it’s straight. And on my side, it’s gay. There’s no crossing back and forth.
But as the shame and fear washes over me, I feel something else. Anger.
It pisses me off. It’s so fucking convenient for him to have this friend he can get with, and still not have it mean anything. Because that would be gay, and he’s not gay. He’s just using me.
“You know what?” I finally say. “I’m not sorry.”
Carter reacts to that. He’s taken aback by my sudden change in position, and I press on before I lose my edge.
“It’s totally gay,” I declare. “Everything we’ve been doing, it’s gay. And I’m totally gay too.”
“Jackson,” he stammers, now clearly on his heels. “I… I’m not… I mean… I have a girlfriend,” he says, as though if only I would understand that simple fact it would make everything ok.
“You have a girlfriend?” I ask venomously. I was almost hoping he would say that. “Where’s she at?”
Carter recoils instantly at my words and I hope it hurt him as much as it looked like it did.
“When’s the last time you did any of this stuff with her? When’s the last time she made you cum?” I ask, and I don’t care how deep my words cut. “It seems like it’s just been you and me doing all this over the last few weeks, and guess what?”
Carter doesn’t seem interested in guessing, but I didn’t expect him to be. I’m sure he sees where I’m heading.
“Everything we’ve been doing, Carter? It’s gay. G. A. Y. Gay.”
He’s like a deer in the headlights now. Usually I love to have Carter on his heels, because it makes him look so cute, just tearing away that perfect, easy coolness he always seems to have. Now, however, his bewildered look just pisses me off. How is any of this a shock to him? It makes me so mad to think he was letting all of this happen without having any feelings for me.
I take one last look at Carter, and I will myself not to cry. I’m so angry, so frustrated, and so hurt by what he’s trying to say to me. To negate any feelings we might have for each other, and to write it off as something purely physical, with apparently no emotions attached.
My body is suddenly filled with a desperate need to get out of this room, this house, and get away from here. I get out of bed and grab my things, shoving them into my backpack. I pause just long enough to put on a shirt before I run up the stairs and out of Carter’s room. I head straight out the door, not even pausing to see if there’s anyone else home.
It’s not until I step through the gate at the end of Carter’s driveway that it hits me. My eyes gush tears and I sob in big, stupid gulps as I walk down the street, vaguely in the direction of my house. The chilly morning air, the emotions of the last few weeks and especially the last few minutes - they all hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything built and built until last night, which I would have said was one of the happiest in my life. It couldn’t have gone better.
But then this morning came, and everything I was holding on to and dreaming of came crashing down in a miserable heap on the floor. Everything he felt for me was a lie, and everything I felt for him was a mistake. Why did I do it to myself, even with everyone I know telling me that it wasn’t a good idea? I should have listened. I should never have gotten attached like I did. It should have been so obvious.
I manage to fumble my phone out of my pockets and send a text to Ko.
[ Come get me? ] it says.
I only have to wait a few seconds before his reply comes through.
[ Be there in 5. ]
I sit down on the curb so I don’t get too far away from Carter’s house. I’m far enough that I can’t see it anymore, but I’m on the way from Ko’s place, so he shouldn’t have any trouble finding me as he drives by.
I hang my head into the space between my knees and let myself cry as much as I need to. Ko will be here in five minutes, and I need to be finished before he arrives. I can’t have him see me like this. Even though he was right, he can’t know just how right he was.
I promise myself I’ll be done by the time he gets here, but for now all I can do is sit on the side of the road and cry.Next Chapter Previous Chapter