By the beginning of April Greg's life was busy. He bounced between Bonner and Aspen. It was no secret. He brought Evan, Tyler and Alden along one time or another. Alden made some friends but Evan and Tyler simply tolerated it for Greg's sake. The cousins seemed to tag-team him throughout the rest of the week. They rarely phoned him. Usually he would find one or the other at his door with an invitation to spend a few hours hanging out. It was flattering in its way, but it left Greg slightly confused.
He chatted with Zoë about it. He did not want to make a mistake with either of them. Zoë was always the cautious one. She reminded Greg that Bonner was not St. George and the people he was meeting did not have any history with him. She thought Greg complicated his relationships too easily and he needed to keep things simple while he was alone. Greg was tired of being alone. He had ignored his reservations and he had begun making out with some of the girls.
Later at the trailer he would be angry with himself. What was he doing here? Nothing really added up to the chance of a permanent relationship with anyone in Bonner. The girls were so young and he could never really be himself with the boys at the school. He reminded himself that he was so out of here in July. Greg realized he would not have minded bumping into some of the people if he met them later, Seth for example, but he had no desire to sit out another year in Bonner or Aspen so it seemed underhanded to lead anyone on. He went to the parties with good intentions but in the end the temptations at the parties were too strong. The best he could do was sending the message tot he girls that he wasn't serious and avoid making an ugly mistake with anyone else.
There was some relief. Greg had connected with Alex, the drummer from Aspen, and they had found an afternoon to play together. Alex had a brother about Seth's age who sat watching them. He sat near his guitar hoping the older boys would let him join. Greg tolerated his presence since his host seemed content to let his brother hang out. He had tried something different and the kid touched his guitar like he knew it. Greg nodded at him and he eagerly picked up the guitar and joined him. It made Greg think of Seth. He realized the only time he played now was when Seth came over for his lessons. The session in Aspen was the first time since Hal died that he played just for himself. He hadn't thought playing with someone else was that important to his music. Sitting with Alex's brother, Greg had suddenly missed Seth's presence. He sat on the edge of the chair and slid a foot out searching for the now comforting presence of the younger boy.
Seth's mother was still coming over and Greg was still avoiding letting the boy hang out with him. His father and Mrs. Patterson seemed to just enjoy being with each other once a week. Greg suspected they spent time together at the school too.
He saw Seth wandering around after school more often. Seth would walk by the trailer and look in before moving on. There were a few boys about his age in town and Greg supposed he hung out with them. Greg wondered what Seth did with the other boys and he occasionally imagined Seth alone in his room out on the farm as the cold wind gusts flipped the ghostly numbers on his old bedside clock. The gangly boy was frequently on his mind. Seth hadn't returned to any more of the parties. Aaron had started attending regularly. Evan dismissed Aaron's presence at the parties and Tyler would only indulge him for a few minutes. Aaron usually hovered around the larger cousin holding one-sided conversations until he was drawn away by one of the boys closer to his age or Tyler would indulge him in some private moment. The small seventh grader must have admired Tyler. Greg noticed he had a small ring in his ear just like Tyler's. Greg understood that. He had admired Hal and wanted to be like him. Seth had suddenly acquired a new coat exactly like Greg's and it warmed Greg for some reason.
By the beginning of April Seth's life was... disintegrating. His mother's sudden interest in Mr. Cox kept him in a black mood. The new complication spoiled the continued pleasure of being with Greg. His teacher had intruded into the comfortable partnership his mother and he had established in the seclusion of the farm house. Seth was deeply suspicious of Mr. Cox at school. He dreaded each hint that the man was being nice to him in class. At times he wondered if he should like the man more. He was, after all, Greg's father. The situation was too difficult for him. His mother began lingering at school working in the staff room with Mr. Cox. Seth found himself wandering the streets in quiet desperation. He had nowhere to go. Everything revolved around the eleventh graders in Bonner: Tyler, Evan and now Greg. He wanted the year to end.
Seth thought about Greg a great deal. Without the older boy his solitude would have been unbearable. He had no one to confide in and he was feeling confused. At night, as he examined himself in the bathroom mirror, he liked to imagine that Greg was different. Seth knew he was too young for the cool city boy. Greg was funny about age. Seth did not understand why. Tyler had Deirdre and Evan had Justine; if Greg would let them Beth or Liz would have done anything for him. At the end of March on a Saturday Seth turned fourteen. His mother told him he could go out with his friends. She did not see how wide the gap between them was now. Seth wanted something more than the parties and the games around the school that neither the teachers nor the Coxes paid any attention to. Instead of spending his birthday with classmates he had sat in his dad's old car burning a tank of gasoline, listening to 8-tracks, anything to drive the misery away, and wishing -- oh so hard -- that he had found the guts to ask Greg to come out to the farm and be with him.
Schools are schools, Greg reflected as he slipped out of the classroom and headed to the dungeon next to the boiler room that served as the boy's washroom. Screaming boredom drove everyone out of the classroom for a leak whether they needed it or not. There was always heavy traffic in the morning. He had not thought about it that much until he walked in on Seth at lunch.
Seth was trying to punch his fist through the stall door. Greg asked him what was wrong. Seth was so upset he wouldn't talk to Greg. When Greg tried to put his arm around his shoulder he shrugged it off violently. "Take a walk with me Seth." Greg got him outside and they walked down the street toward the store. "What happened?" Seth didn't say anything. "You were pretty angry at the door."
"They are calling me a pussy because I don't go to the parties." Greg wondered if it was because his mother wouldn't let him go. "She said only once a month." Did he need a ride? "Evan and Tyler want me to come with them. But they think I should be fooling around." Would he come if Greg drove him? "Maybe; but you told me it was okay to fool around too."
Greg realized he had slipped back into being a big brother. A car pulled past and splashed slush at their feet. They shuffled over slightly and ended close to each other. Greg reminded himself that Seth was still young. He would have felt differently if this conversation had been with Susan, but Seth was a guy and his reluctance to get involved surprised him. Lunch was probably close to being over and they would need to turn around. Seth seemed to be settled so he stopped and paused before they started back. It was easy to treat the fourteen-year-old as a friend.
"But I also told you that it was okay not to do stuff if you were not ready." He put a hand on Seth's shoulder and Seth stepped back. He had forgotten Seth was shy about the touching. He put his hands in his pockets. It was too cold to be out without their jackets.
Seth was shivering. "It's hard to take the bullshit Greg. What do you say to them when they bug you?" He looked into Greg's eyes.
Greg looked away a little embarrassed to be into this with Seth.
"Well to tell you the truth Seth I guess I have been getting into it at the parties." Greg was embarrassed about the age of the girls; not doing it. He had been grabbing sex where he could for years. Still, there were no pictures of the girls being sent to St. George from Bonner as far as Greg was concerned.
"Brice and Nigel said you weren't. Who did you make out with?" Seth actually looked like Greg had betrayed him somehow. His eyes glistened slightly in the cold wind.
Greg admitted he had played around with Rebecca. It was harder to admit he had necked with Beth.
"Oh; I see what you mean." Seth sighed a little and he moved closer to Greg. "So they don't bug you about it?" Greg shook his head. The bell rang and they knew they would be late. They started walking back. "Your dad is coming out tonight."
"How do you feel about that?" Greg was still coming to terms with the growing relationship.
"Mom says she's lonely. She's happy I guess." Seth thought he might have insulted Greg. "Mr. Cox is okay."
Greg smiled to himself. "Yes, it is weird for me to. Do you think your mom would let you go out tonight?"
"Why?" Seth had been waiting for Greg to hang out with him again. His heart lightened and Tyler's seductive words in the bathroom faded.
"I know some guys in Aspen who might be free to jam with us tonight." Greg would have to phone and find out.
Seth leaped at the chance. He seemed happier when they reached the school. They paused in the entrance as the younger children bustled around them struggling with their wet boots.
Before they went their separate ways Greg risked a punch to Seth's shoulder. "If you are stuck in town some time you can come over to my place and hang out." Greg could see his words had made Seth happy.
Greg couldn't see why Seth was on the outside so much. He wasn't a geek. Greg noticed he landed in detention fairly often for cutting up in class. He studied Seth's figure as he moved slowly up the worn stairs. Greg thought Seth was handsome. He had the kind of looks people went for. Even now a pair of girls in Seth's class had jumped on him when he got to the stairway.
Greg sighed at the sight and thought about it as he settled down for his creative writing class. He was the lone student in Bonner. In the end his father hadn't been able to convince anyone to join. He saw Alex in the classroom and while they waited for the teacher to begin they set up a jam session for after school. His mind turned back to Seth. Seth even looked a year older than the other eight graders. He towered over them and his voice sounded lower. If anything, you would think he would be the one bugging the shrimps around him. He decided he couldn't keep ignoring him. Seth had been drawn into his orbit. Greg wondered if having a talk with Evan and Tyler would help. They seemed to have their thumb on most of the boys.
Greg mechanically started into the assignment. The teacher asked him to slide his work on the document viewer and he tried to listen to his suggestions. Seth stayed on his mind.
Seth looked over his things while Greg collected the electric guitars from the closet. "Do you miss your younger brother? I miss my dad."
Greg put the light amp down and came over to take the picture from Seth's hands.
"Hal was older than me. That's him and that's me." Greg hadn't really thought about it, but he was about Seth's age in the picture. His mom had grabbed a shot of one of the first times they had played together. It was really the only way he had been able to connect with his older brother back then. Standing next to Seth he understood Hal better now. He hadn't been feeling like he was on the same planet with the fourteen-year old. He stretched his memories back and connected a little with the boy he had been. He'd had more experience now. He realized Seth would be just as horny, just as worried about fitting in with his friends as Greg had been and still was. By extension he realized that his father probably had most of the same feelings. Shit , now, he had to think about that too. Greg realized that Seth had landed in his world some time ago and if he didn't need a guide, he at least needed Greg's sympathy and understanding.
"Wow, you look exactly like him." Seth studied the picture.
Greg looked at it a moment and put the picture down.
"I could point out the differences." But Seth and his father were right. He had grown very similar to his brother. He just hoped in a crunch he would be a better driver. They gathered the equipment and packed it into the Mustang.Seth was still high on the way back. Greg realized he may have made a mistake letting the kid get stoned.
Seth and Mat had taken a while to warm up to each other. Greg thought it was the small town rivalry but it was really just two guys feeling shy. By the time the beer had taken effect the young boys were relaxed and into the music.
Greg sat near Alex while the drummer played a light accompaniment and his brother showed Seth what he knew. Seth was still the novice and mostly listened until Mat got tired of playing by himself. Greg suggested some cords Seth could play and the older boys listened to them play together. The boys stopped playing when Greg produced a joint. The four boys headed outside and huddled together in the cold as they passed it. Seth was last in line and tried to follow the lead of the other boys. The smoke was harsh, but he had smoked cigarettes with his friends so he was spared an embarrassing coughing fit. He'd heard them wisely predict that he wouldn't feel stoned the first time. They were wrong; it hit him like a hammer and he was enveloped by the soft glow. When they went back in Greg picked up his brother Hal's guitar and the music began in earnest. They stopped at nine when Alex's parents came down to suggest they had had enough.
Once they had packed everything in the car Greg had realized they had not eaten. The lights at the cafe were still on so Greg pulled over. The grandmother was not impressed with Greg but he charmed her into admitting there was some food still around. After he checked his wallet he had her bring whatever was there.
Sitting across from Greg on the worn out diner Seth felt overwhelmed. The dope gave the jam session a depth and significance out of proportion to the garage-band reality of their play. It had been way cooler than the drunk out at Evan's farm. An affectionate glow surrounded his memories of Mat and Alex. Seth looked across the wasteland of half eaten dishes and felt a strong connection to Greg. He thought about the contest at the school. It had taken until that moment in the street to understand that Greg didn't know what was going on. Understanding it left Seth uncertain about what to do. Their legs touched beneath the cracked table top and Seth chanced a slight pressure against Greg's calf. What would he think if he knew? "This is awesome." Greg stopped gnawing on a dried rib for a moment. "Do you do this a lot?" Will you take me again next time?
Greg wiped his hands off. "Not that much. They have other stuff going on."
Greg had friends in St. George he had jammed with before the accident. These sessions with Alex were just him resurfacing. The older boy looked back at the younger and smiled. Greg felt some of the connection Seth felt. He was conscious of Seth's leg pressing against his and pulled away. He had driven north prepared to keep it straight. It was pointless to complicate things when he was surrounded by strangers. Setting that side of himself aside had seemed easy enough at the start.
Greg cocked his head as he listened to Seth gush with enthusiasm about the evening. The kid was two or three years younger than him and Greg was feeling confused. It bothered him that Seth could sink deeper into him than the Bonner boy's his own age. Maybe it was just simpler dealing with Seth because there was only one of him. The Peterson's were like some comedy team. Greg had a mental image of them bumping shoulders as they tried to walk through a door together and then pausing to flap futiley at each other. Like they had to get somewhere before the other and neither would give way; they whip-sawed him in class or at the parties trying to hold his attention. Anyway, it was turning out to be hard work hanging out with them. It was all surface stuff with Tyler. Tyler skated over everything like he was afraid to say something to offend Greg. Evan on the other hand kept trying to send him a message he couldn't decode. It was like they both wanted him to do something but they wouldn't be direct about it. Greg studied Seth's lips as he gnawed on the last of the dry ribs and noticed renewed pressure against his leg. He pressed back slightly to see if Seth would move his leg.
"This is better than the parties." Seth added.
Greg realized what he was doing and shifted his gaze to Seth's red eyes. The guilt he always felt when he toked came back. Control is important. If your head is clear mistakes happened. Mistakes could not be undone. He had an impulse to throw the last of the canister away. Greg let his eyes slide away from Seth's face and he focused on the old woman pretending to doze at the counter.
"Yeh, but there are chicks at the parties dude."
For you maybe , Seth thought. The older boys had things pretty well locked up.
"You look so bummed out about it Seth."
"You know any fags?"
Greg treaded carefully into this territory conscious of his recent thoughts. He glanced again at the old woman across the room waiting for them to leave so she could clean up.
"That's harsh Seth. Yes, I knew a few gay guys in St. George. Do me a favour and don't call them fags." It came way too close to home and it was the first time he had felt a reason to be pissed off at Seth. Seth had stumbled across a way to hurt him. The contact was broken under the table.
"Sorry. It's just I wondered if you had a problem with them."
Greg looked at Seth and cooled down. See, there it is , Seth would ask him something like that when Tyler would be holding out a brace of beers for him to chug. He stared at Seth wondering what was behind the question. The comment was exactly why he did not want to complicate his forced stay in Bonner. He had been too friendly maybe; Seth was picking up on his unconscious signals or something. Well he didn't need Seth or the rest of the posse if they had a problem with him.
"My brother Hal was gay. I don't have a problem with it." He got up and put his coat back on and went out into the night. He regretted his words immediately. It wasn't Seth's business and he didn't need him passing the information around. For one thing he didn't think his dad knew. It soured the evening.
"Greg stop." he turned back to look at Seth. "Don't be angry. It's just... things around here... you don't get it... it's really hard."
Greg did not know what Seth was trying to say.
"What is it Seth? Do you think you're gay?" Or do you think I'm gay? he asked silently. Greg thought about the attraction that seemed to have developed between them. The connection he couldn't seem to ignore. Was that what was bothering Seth? It would be an awkward thing between them.
"They will beat the shit out of me if I tell you."
That made no sense to Greg and he was getting tired of the conversation. He turned and headed for the car.
"Just get in the car. I'm cold and we should get on the road." Greg started the car and waited for the heat to warm him up. Things can go south so quickly, he thought. Well, except for me apparently. I'm still stuck here in the north. The pun gave him a moment's relief and then the irritation returned. It sucked. You can never be yourself. You always had to play the game; pick the popular brand label; pick the safe path. Seth didn't get in the car. Greg looked in the mirror and saw that he was leaning against the trunk of the car. Greg whispered "shit" and climbed back out of the car. He leaned against the trunk and listened to Seth sobbing.
"What do you care? You'll be out of here in three months. But I'm stuck here. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I'll be all alone with no friends. Aaron couldn't do it and now he won't even hang out with me. What am I supposed to do Greg? Play toys with the grade six's till they get snapped up?" Greg heard the bitterness and isolation in Seth's voice. He remembered the sense of bleakness he had felt on the road to Bonner that first day.
"What are you trying to tell me Seth?" he tried to be patient with the boy. He was tired and he was feeling the cold.
"It's a bet, Greg, don't you get it? You go to the parties. You must see it. It's Studs or Rings. If Tyler gets either one of us he wins the bet."
"What bet?" Greg didn't understand. Seth was trembling in the cold so Greg grabbed a handful of his coat and pulled him close before wrapped his arms around him. It felt right. "What is this bet about? Where do Evan and Tyler fit into this?"
It took Greg a long time to work the answers out of Seth. He held the shivering boy the whole time. At first it did not make much sense. A contest between the cousins, something about blow jobs; if Tyler or Evan could get a boy in the school to give them a blow job they won a point. There was money riding on the bet now. "Jesus! What do the girls think about this?"
"I don't know. I guess maybe they don't know. Nobody talks about it with them." Seth shivered and Greg rubbed his back for a minute. "They were tied at Christmas. It didn't look like anyone would win before the school closed in June."
"Everyone is going to different schools next year."
"Right, but you came."
This is so junior high, thought Greg. He could not imagine how it had all begun.
"You could break a tie if I do it to."
Greg was suddenly conscious of Seth's body against his. He had let his guard down without a thought. Seth had not pulled away from him. Greg wondered how the boy was interpreting his wandering hands.
"But it doesn't matter does it? You are not interested, so one of them has already won."
Seth paused as considered Greg's words. He wished the memory of his tears away. Stupid to cry , it was just hard to take the constant pressure. Even the grade sevens treated him like an outcast Monday morning. He was the virgin and no matter how many games he won on the play ground they all thought he was strange. Greg had somehow changed that. The hazzing continued, but he had stopped being on the outside when Greg came. He hadn't joined Evan or Tyler's posse; he was part of Greg's and the other boys seemed to recognize it. It felt good to belong.
"Who won anyway?"
Greg's question distracted Seth from the comforting sensation of Greg's hands against his back. "Tyler" Seth reluctantly pulled away from Greg. Greg had shown no interest in fooling around and Seth wasn't going to spoil things between them. Greg made it clear enough city boys preferred girls their own age and the eleventh grader seemed to be a babe magnet.
Greg missed the connection immediately. He watched the gentle puffs of steam escaping from between Seth's parted lips. He had to remind himself that he hadn't come north for this. He needed to play it safe or he would find himself all alone. It was cold. He led Seth around and put him in the car. He tried to clear his head before he joined the troubled boy in the warmth of the car. It was hard to believe that many guys could get caught up in something that stupid. Greg could almost hear the banjo picking as he tossed his coat in the back seat and settled in next to the silent Seth. He started driving home. Seth's face was lit by the dashboard.
Greg was pondering what to say, if indeed he needed to say anything. The evening had turned weird.
Seth brought him out of his musings with an oddly casual question. "Have you ever thought about sucking a guy's pecker?"
The car lurched slightly towards the ditch as Greg glanced at Seth. Greg had first made out with a guy in grade nine. He was curious about what Hal was attracted to. It did not take him long to realize he liked it.
"Sorry, dumb question I guess."
Greg thought about his choice of answers. They must both have been stoned still. He wasn't feeling cautious at all. "You have a gay brother you think about it."
The highway was quiet.
"When people are doing it in the school washroom first thing in the morning you think about it too." Seth tried to adjust his pants. He pulled his coat casually around to cover his crotch better. It drew a look from Greg. For a few hundred breaths they listened to the whisper of the heater conscious of each other.
"So why are you the big hold-out?" Greg tried to make the question into a bit of a joke. The snow seemed neon under the full moon. The question kept the door open between them. Greg was drawn to the glitter in the corner of Seth's eyes.
"I don't know." When he was in grade seven Seth had been shy. Tyler 's first approach had frightened him a little and he felt no attraction to the older boys. When some of the others started pressuring him he dug his heals in. It hadn't been so hard. There had been others who didn't do it. One by one the lure of the parties drew them into the contest. As long as his mother kept him away from the parties he had felt safe. "I guess I never wanted to do it with them ." Seth felt his face burn. It was not supposed to sound like that.
"Waiting for the right guy to come along?" Greg quipped. The door opened a little wider.
"Shut up" Seth whispered.
It was a half-hearted come back and Greg knew the younger boy was flirting with the idea.
Greg pulled over suddenly and parked the car on the deserted highway. He undid Seth's seat belt slowly while he kept his eyes on Seth's face to gage his reaction. Seth stared back at him and Greg was about to back off when the boy let his hands slide slowly off his lap until they rested on the seat beside him. This pulled his coat free. Seth's arousal was obvious to both of them. Greg leaned toward Seth's lips and then froze when the boy pulled back with a start. There was a pause and then Seth leaned forward slightly to let his lips brush Greg's in the lightest of touches. It was such a solemn moment for both of them. Greg continued to reach over Seth and groped for the handle that allowed him to drop the seat back. The boy dropped back suddenly and his eyes went wide. Greg suppressed a momentary impulse to laugh. Seth was breathing heavily as Greg freed the boy's cock from his pants. Seth's organ responded to his touch and mouth and he placed a hand on Greg's back as he exhaled heavily. He thrust his hips a little and cried out as the quick orgasm released his semen in bursts into Greg's mouth.
Greg sucked on the boy's cock for a minute and Seth closed his eyes while his satiated organ relaxed. He lay still as Greg zipped up his pants and buckled his belt. He hadn't thought he would feel as strong a release as he had. He did not know how to react to the moment. Greg reached out hesitantly and brushed his hair back as if he wanted to continue the intimacy they had just shared. Seth licked his lips and thought about the unexpected kiss. He had never expected that. Greg's kiss had made it less of a dirty game played out at a drunken party like truth or dare. There had been something deeper there and he felt a thrill.
Greg looked at him, "It is something you want to do with someone you trust and care about." But it was an odd thing for Greg to say and he realized it instantly. Sex had become such a casual and impersonal part of his life. He wondered why he had felt compelled to reassure the boy.
That seemed so right to Seth. He gazed back at Greg as the older boy turned around and began to drive again. Seth lay in the dark and thought about what had just happened. Despite the warmth of the car he suddenly shuddered violently. He lay still for a moment and then sat up with a struggle. Greg was concentrating on the road. His seat was still pushed back from his moment with Seth. Seth looked at Greg's face and studied his eyes as they flicked back and forth between the black highway and the glow of the dashboard. Greg had stopped looking over at him.
The emotions were overwhelming him and his thoughts ran in every direction. What was he supposed to do? The car was stupid. He needed to be somewhere where he could walk away and think.
Greg shifted slightly beside him and tugged at his pants. Seth's eyes dropped down to Greg's crotch and then lifted back to the face intent on the road. Seth reached out and unbuckled Greg's seat belt with one hand. Greg finally threw a look at him then returned to the road. Seth worked to free Greg's snap and pull the zipper down without disturbing his driving. He reached in with his hand and pulled the hard mass of Greg's penis free through the hole in his boxer shorts.
It was as large as Seth had imagined it. Somehow he had not expected it to be so warm or moist. There was softness to it and it felt strange in his hand until he realized he had only ever touched himself. When he touched himself he experienced both hand and organ in a familiar feedback.
Seth squeezed the hard rod experimentally concentrating on the sensations in his hand. He imagined the corresponding pressure Greg would be feeling. Greg inhaled sharply at the pressure confirming his thought. Seth ran his thumb over the tip of Greg's organ bemused by the close-up view of something he had at best glimpsed in furtive moments at school. He had little to compare Greg with. He did not play hockey or change for gym. He had not skinny-dipped with his friends since that moment during the summer before grade seven when Tyler had approached him by the lake. Greg's body excited him. He held Greg in one hand and bent his head over to take him into his mouth. He let his tongue explore the shape of Greg's mushroom gland. His hand squeezed and pumped the ridged organ.
It was not the best of places. Seth was poked uncomfortably by the stick, his head bumped into the wheel and the zipper of Greg's jeans scraped against the side of his hand as he awkwardly manipulated the older boy.
When he leaned his head against Greg's body he could feel the sixteen-year-old's heart pounding. Greg's orgasm was as violent as his own had been and the car swerved momentarily. Greg put a hand on Seth's back briefly then returned to driving.
Seth pulled his lips off Greg's cock for a moment and looked at the head and a thread of saliva still connecting his lips to the spent flesh. He thought about the taste in his mouth. He bent his head down a second time and took the cock back in his mouth. It had shrunk and he felt like he could take it all into his mouth.
Greg murmured a protest at Seth's continued attentions then became quiet as Seth played with him. Seth experimented with touching Greg's nuts as he sucked, but the tight fabric and narrow space made it impossible. It was a long drive and Seth brought Greg to a second orgasm as they pulled into Seth's yard.
When Seth opened the door Greg reached out and touched his face. Seth paused for a moment wishing Greg would kiss him again, but the older boy just looked at him with an expression he could not read. The perfection of the evening seemed to hang there between them and Seth did not know how it should be ended.
Finally Seth broke the silence, "I trust you too Greg." He got out and walked into the house without a backward glance.
Greg wasn't sure if he would see Seth for the guitar lesson. He had a dreamless sleep and woken early to the memory of the drive home. His dad, with some parental instinct, had shifted his showers to the evening so Greg had a long shower while he considered his situation. A whole school consumed by the bet of two horny eleventh graders. An interlude of sex with the young Seth; in a night his troubled father and his isolation from his friends in St. George had been eclipsed by a looming mass threatening to descend on him at 9:00 am.
He ignored the bet during the day, but it became easier to see the way it swirled around him. Evan and Tyler's behavior took on the character of players on the hunt. The studs and rings in all the boy's ears became as glaringly obvious as the colors and clothes of the real and wannabe gangs of St. George. He divided the boys into two camps; the actively partisan fans who pushed him in one direction or another and the hostiles who seemed to wish the St. George boy had not intruded in their secret world. The tenth grader Alden had been the only one who behaved as if the bet did not exist. Then there was Seth.
Greg had avoided Seth during the day. In a small school that wasn't easy. True, Seth didn't come down to the high school classroom during the breaks; but he had been playing soccer as Greg crossed the school yard at lunch. Greg felt Seth had not even been aware of him as he passed through the melee.
Clearly, after a nights reflection, Seth was not pleased with the highway seduction. It became perfectly clear that Greg was out in the cold when the grade eight's filtered into his fourth period creative writing class to work on the computers. Greg had smiled at him when he came in but the boy had barely let his eyes cross Greg's face. Seth sat behind him without a word.
Greg wasn't into the silent treatment. He tried to concentrate on his class while the eights fidgeted and whispered through their work. His eyes met Seth's as he turned around to tell them to shut up. Seth flushed quickly and turned quickly toward the girl beside him. Seth brushed his hip against Greg's shoulder when he got up to leave and Greg felt the shock of the contact. He didn't think Seth would show up for his lesson.
Seth walked quickly to the trailer, and then slowed to a stop in front. He focused on the silver Mustang as he hesitated. Seth didn't think he was gay, but every time he had seen Greg that day he had started a boner. He was sure the girls had noticed his tent. Mr. Cox had even caught him daydreaming about Greg. He had avoided Greg as much as he could. His greatest fear was that the school would figure out Seth had told Greg. He didn't trust himself not to do something stupid. He hated the way his classmates clung to the eleventh grade boys like girls. It would have been like in the media room when he had to touch Greg as he left. Greg hadn't talked to him. He had just glanced at him and gave Seth that sickly smile. Seth didn't know what Greg was thinking. He was probably angry at everyone in Bonner. He probably thought Seth was just another Bonner cock sucker. Seth considered going back to the school.
Except it had been Greg who had made the first move and showed Seth there was a physical side to his attachment to the older boy. Greg must feel something for him. Seth kicked at a clump of snow. What did he know about all of this? It was frustrating. All the time he had stayed away from the parties because everyone just got drunk and then the younger boys would watch the older ones make out with the girls before they sucked cock in an effort to relieve the pressure. Was that what he had done? Get stoned and get his rocks off? So why did he feel like he needed to be near Greg, and why oh why did he go ahead and give Greg a blow job? Seth realized Greg was watching him through the window. Seth dreaded the moment to come but he couldn't stay away from Greg.
"I didn't think you were going to come in." Greg stood with his hands in his pockets watching Seth pull his coat off.
"I wasn't sure you wanted to see me." Seth unconsciously copied Greg's posture.
They stood by the door uncomfortably looking at each other. Neither was sure where to take things next.
Seth knew his body wanted to pick up where it had left off the night before. He understood the thrill his friends felt now. It was something he realized he didn't want to share with the other boy's. The passion was wrapped up with the connection he felt with the older boy. Touch me again Greg.
Greg suggested they go back to his room and Seth followed him back. Greg closed the bedroom door and the room closed in on Seth. Seth sat with the guitar while Greg tuned. Greg's head was bent and Seth leaned on his guitar ignoring it. When Greg finished he seemed to notice Seth hadn't been getting ready. He reached over and took the other guitar and began tuning it quietly. Seth watched him, hands resting on his thighs. He dug a toe into the old shag and he tried to control his burning face and pounding heart.
"Are you mad at me?" Greg asked softly while he bent over the strings. The guitar was tuned. They both could hear its clear notes.
Seth shook his head then realized Greg wasn't watching.
"No" Seth said in a strained voice trying to convey his attraction and desire in the single word. Greg looked at him and rested his hands on the slick varnish of the guitar.
"Do you wish it hadn't happened?" Seth couldn't trust himself to speak. He shook his head again. Greg put the guitar down and stood up. He crossed over to the side of his bed and picked up a pick. He sat down on the bed and played with it.
Seth came over and sat beside him. The old bed sagged under their weight and seemed to draw them close together.
"I'm sorry" Seth didn't know what he meant by that. He just needed to say something. He fell back on the bed and put his arms behind his head. The movement parted his shirt from his jeans and exposed a sliver of his belly above the line of his underwear. His partially erect penis was outlined by the faded fabric. The line of his body invited Greg's touch.
Greg understood the invitation and shifted on the bed so that he could see the boy's body better. When he traced a finger across the exposed flesh Seth's body shivered and the erection grew stronger. Greg traced the penis with a finger. Seth watched him willing him to continue. Greg unbuckled the heavy belt with one hand and pulled the flaps back. Seth lifted his hips as Greg shifted his pants and boxers down below his crotch.
"I've thought of you all day." Seth confessed as he propped himself up to watch Greg begin to caress his ridged dick.
Greg's fingers circled the boy's circumcised gland and lightly tugged at it. The fingers followed the shaft down to its base and his warm palm cupped the globes pulled tight against Seth's groin. Seth closed his eyes at the touch of Greg's fingers as they massaged between his legs. Seth's muscles rippled as Greg let his fingers play lightly over the heat of his belly. Seth was trembling at his touch and wanted to cum badly. He was too close to the edge. When Greg finally sucked his dick into his mouth Seth came violently. His frayed nerves were betrayed and he collapsed back on the bed and let out a high pitched cry of relief.
Greg lay on his side next to Seth and cupped his hand over the boy's balls. Seth reached out a hand and placed it on Greg's chest. He let the hand fall away. There seemed to be no words.
Greg looked at Seth's silent gaze. He rolled Seth over and began massaging and scratching the tension out of Seth's back. Seth stretched a little like a contented kitten at his touch and kept looking at the older boy. Greg pushed his shirt up so he could message his shoulders.
"Is this what I've been missing at the parties?"
Greg did not want to think it was. He knew casual sex and he shied from comparing these moments with that. Zoe teased him all the time. He was a slut she would say. Girl or boy it did not matter.
"I don't know. Was that good?"
Seth didn't have the words to say how he felt. Seth nodded feeling at peace after the long day of uncertainty.
"Was that okay Seth?"
Seth murmured it had been perfect.
Greg smiled as he let his hand slide around Seth's shoulders. He considered the exposed portion of the boy's buttocks and he mentally moved his hand down to appreciate the shape and texture. He sighed and mentally slapped his hand away. Greg knew the young girls were out of reach. There was nobody here to have a relationship with. He would never do more than kiss Beth. Rebecca was an indiscretion brought about by his loneliness. That probably explained Seth too; isolated from his friends by a foolish contest. Greg reluctantly withdrew his hand from Seth's warm flesh. He needed to back off from this.
Seth sat up and pulled his clothes on. Greg was sitting on the floor so he sat down next to him. "Do you want me to...?"
Greg shook his head. He had found his own release in knowing Seth was okay. A moment later Seth seemed to confirm his judgment.
"I do like girls." Seth commented as if he was answering a question. "They are not going to give me the time of day as long as dudes like you can give them beer and take them where they want to go."
"Give it time." Greg poked Seth in the ribs. "I saw those two girls fighting over you."
Seth smiled at the memory. "Sure and once they get boobs the older guys grab them." Seth let his hand play with Greg's calf. "Look at you and Beth" Seth added unaware of the whisper of jealousy in his voice.
"There is nothing happening there." Greg couldn't explain why sucking fourteen-year old cock was easier than fucking fourteen-year old pussy. It just was. "Give her some time. She will see what a stud you are." The conversation was driving a wedge between them. They were both trying to give each other an out. Releasing each other from an embarrassing display of their feelings.
"I don't think there will be time. Mom told me we probably have to move. She asked me how I would feel about it."
Greg got up and put the guitars away. It did not seem like there would be any practice that afternoon.
Seth bounced a little on the bed. "So why were you avoiding me today? You should give me an earring. That would freak them out," Seth suggested.
Greg watched Seth bounce. "I don't like jewelry. I should have seen through that shit right away." Greg looked at the clock. It was only 4:30. It seemed longer.
The phone rang and Greg went to get it. It was Seth's mother wanting him to go back to the school.
Seth was in a good mood when he pulled his coat on.
The boy paused at the door.
"You understand we're not dating don't you?"
Seth laughed a little.
"Give me some credit dude." Seth got serious almost immediately "We're friends though aren't we?"
Greg conceded that they were.
Seth thought about other ways he could spend time with Greg. He would even study with the eleventh grader if he had to. They might not be dating, but there might be other times. There was something here Seth needed to understand.