I awoke the next morning to a gentle bouncing of the bed. As the sleep cleared from my head, I thought Tim was giving himself a toss and wondered why he'd need to, or even how he could, after last night. I looked toward him, then decided he was working up to a laugh about something. He was just bouncing a little, but then I heard a sob and pulled the blanket and sheet off his face. He was crying!
"Tim! Timmy! What's the matter? What's wrong? Are you alright?"
He tilted his head towards me. Tears were pouring from his eyes.
"I'm ok. Give me a sec."
"What's wrong, man? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
"It's okay. Really. I'll tell you, just give me a chance."
He sniffed for a few more seconds, then pulled me into a hug and kissed me with his tear-soaked face. "Nothing's wrong, Dave. Not a thing. Everything's just so right. I woke up thinking about yesterday, about last night. I was thinking about what you said, the way you said it, about what we did. We made love, Dave. It was so exactly what I dreamed of, I'm just so fuckin' happy! It got to me, that's all. I am in love with you, David Devino! Head over heels. Ass over teakettle. You're my best friend and you love me. Just smile, okay? Wanna make out for a while?"
"Man, you scared me. Stop' crying and let me out for a minute. I gotta piss like a race horse!"
"Oh, Mr. Sensitivity, huh? Say the magic words."
I had to smile. "I love you, Timmy. I do love you. But I really, really gotta pee. Move your ass now unless you really wanna get funky!"
"I ain't movin' until you kiss me back."
I gave him the quickest kiss ever. "I'll kiss you for real when I'm done. I'll piss on your back right now if you don't move and let me go."
Tim rolled out of bed. "I hafta go too. Hurry up."
"Use the other john. I want to wash up, too."
"Why don't we wash up together?"
"That's cool. Come on."
He followed me into the bathroom and leaned against the wall while I took a monster leak. I turned around and he was grinning. "You're funny. Your ass cheeks are doin' all the work when you're tryin' to get the last drops out."
"I'm glad you noticed that, Tim. It's somethin' else I didn't know about myself. If you don't say anythin' more all day, I'll have that thought to carry me."
Of course, now I had to watch him to see if he did the same thing. He did, but I don't know if it was normal or he was just making fun of me. I supposed it didn't matter. I didn't plan on making a habit of watching him pee.
"I'm gonna take a shower, Tim. I stink."
"I was gonna mention that. I'm glad you said it first."
"You think you don't?"
"I probably smell worse than you do. Wanna do it together?"
"In your dreams. That stall's too small. If I even try to smile in there my teeth'll hit the wall. Just wait your turn."
"I guess. Someday, though?"
"Tim, we don't have to do everything at once. We got forever."
"Hurry up, then. Hold that thought. I like the idea of forever. Whattya wanna do after we're clean?"
"I wanna say get dirty again, but I'm kinda sore. I guess we can clean up and leave."
"I don't want to go, Dave. I don't have to work 'til ten tomorrow. Let's stay one more day, okay? I can just leave early. We can have a day all by ourselves, with our own house. We can take the lift to the top of the mountain, eat in restaurants. It'll be great, just you and me. Whattya think?"
I had to smile at his eagerness. I shared it. "Perfect, Tim! I wish I could think like you."
I took a quick shower while Tim shaved, then he took over the shower while I combed my hair and brushed my teeth.
We decided to get breakfast at a pancake house called 'Jax Stax'. The pancakes were delicious, but we found that we couldn't look at one another without giggling. I was really happy, giddy even. I was in love!
I was in love without reservations, without anything in the back of my head telling me it was wrong, nothing telling me it shouldn't be like it was. I couldn't look at Tim without wanting to kiss that mouth. After all the things we'd done last night, it was the kisses that stood out in my mind. Tim's innate gentleness really showed in his kissing, and made them so erotic, so sensual. Even though we were doing other things while we kissed, that contact at the lips made the rest of my body feel almost ephemeral.
I ate fast, but Tim took his time. I found myself feeling pleasure watching his enjoyment of that simple meal. I saw his milk moustache grow, and didn't tell him. I didn't have any real reason not to, but I just didn't want him to wipe it off. It was part of him at that moment. I felt so totally different than I had ever felt before.
I loved somebody! I really did. I loved, was in love, with my best friend. Who’d a thunk it? Tim was smart, he was beautiful, he was gentle. He was mine! I had a Beeg str-r-r-r-ong Man of my own, and he loved me back. It didn't matter that he was a boy and not a girl. It didn't matter that he was older and bigger than me. I didn't think of it at the moment, but if I had I wouldn't have cared what anybody else thought. It didn't matter. All the old shit that used to be in my head had vanished. I was in love!
I was still a wise-ass, though. "You almost done, or should I start lookin' at the lunch menu?"
"Just 'cause you can swallow eight pounds in one gulp don't mean the rest of us don't at least try to taste our food."
"You been tastin' for half an hour. Finish up! I got somethin' you can taste!"
Timmy laughed, then started singing softly [Mamas and Papas] "Words of lo-ove, soft and tender..."
I started laughing, too. "Yeah. I gotta lotta class, right?"
Tim gave me an evil grin. "So, Dave. How ya gonna make yourself happy today? This is a day-by-day plan, right? What's up today?"
"If you finish your friggin' breakfast I'll show you what's up."
He pushed his plate away and gave me a wide-eyed look. "I'm done. Let's go. I'm done. No sense hangin' around here."
I was still laughing.
"I said I'm done! Quit lookin' cute and let's get outta here!"
I laughed harder. "You think I'm cute? Damn! Where did I go wrong?" I pouted. “I tell you you're beautiful and you only say I'm cute? Okay, that's it! You're cute too, Tim. Especially with a gallon of milk on your upper lip."
I laughed even harder when he grabbed a napkin and wiped it off. I could see his teeth and he had a piece of pancake stuck to his front ones.
I heard a snicker from the booth behind us, and a man’s voice muttered, "Faggots. I knew it when they came in."
I got up and faced them. It was a guy about fifty with another guy who was probably thirty.
"Who's a faggot, farmer?"
The younger guy jumped up, all red in the face. "Don't you call me anything, ya little queer. Just get the fuck away from here!"
"If I don't?"
Timmy grabbed me and tried to pull me away, but I was mad. I pushed Tim away. The guy just stared at me, then sat back down. I dumped his plate over the edge of the table into his lap, then I did it to the other guy. They both started to get up. I decked the younger guy before he moved much, drawing blood from his nose and mouth. The older guy grabbed my left arm, and he just twisted it back and yanked me down face first on the table.
I heard Tim yell, "Son of a bitch! Leave him alone, you bastard!"
I couldn't see what was going on, but I heard some smacks, then Tim was dragging me away. There was some activity from the waitress and the cook, but we were out of there before they could do or say anything. Tim told me to stay put, then went back in to pay the bill, which took him about three seconds. When he came out, he pushed me into the car and we took off fast.
"Jesus, Dave. You tryin' to get us killed?"
"They started it, Tim."
"You started it, Dave. They were just sayin' stuff."
"They called us faggots! It's not what we are, Tim. I ain't no fag! I ain't ever gonna be a fag! Nobody's ever gonna call you a fag!"
"Calm down! We need to talk about this. Just sit and shut up until we get back to the house, okay?"
"Okay, Tim." I sat there with clenched fists. I hadn't been so physically wound up since the beginning of high school almost a full year ago. I was totally pissed off. Tim and I hadn't done a fucking single thing in the restaurant except kid each other. "What'd you do to the old guy, anyhow?"
"He was hurting you. I hit him once and he didn't stop, so I hit him again. I think I broke his jaw, I mean I felt it move."
I felt proud. "You really think so?" Then I thought for a minute. "Timmy, are we gonna have to do this all the time?"
"Wait'll we get back. I think we have to talk about some things."
"You mad at me?"
"I'm not mad. Just upset, and not about you. You got a hot head, but those guys were assholes. What the hell do they do all day, listen to other people talk? Dave, for the first time in my life I'm glad I hurt somebody. I'm not proud, just glad. They had no business listenin' to begin with. What's with their own lives? You were right to stand up to 'em, Dave."
We were pulling up in the driveway. Tim shut the engine off, then leaned back in the seat. "Dave, we really need to think about some things. We already got in trouble. We need to set some rules."
"What kind of rules?”
"No big deal, just about how we act in public. We just gotta be a little careful. You saw what just happened with those jerks."
"I don't think so, Tim. Those guys were jerks, but if I'm gonna love ya everybody's gonna know it. I ain't gonna hide it. It's the only love I ever had. I love you, Tim. I ain't gonna just hide it from anybody. I love you, and nobody, nobody, is gonna bother that!"
We got out of the car and walked up to the deck. "Dave, I know what you mean, but I still think we should be careful. Some people just aren't gonna like it. We've been hanging around together for years and nobody ever thought anything about it. I just think when we're in public places we should just be what we always were, just best friends. That ain't gonna bother anybody."
"You're right. I know you are, but it just pisses me off. I know what Rafe went through, and he wasn't even with anybody. I guess we're lucky that pancake joint wasn't full. We could'a got ourselves killed if those fuckheads had a bunch of friends."
"I was thinking about Rafe when I said we need to have some rules. I just want us to be happy. Fuck everyone else. What they don't know won't bother them. We're safe when we're alone, and I'm sure we're safe with Kenny and those guys. I'd be embarrassed to be makin' out in public, anyhow, so I think all we have to do is watch what we say."
I took Tim's hand and pulled him toward the door. "Let's make out in private, then. We got today at least, and it's time to do somethin' good."
Timmy smiled. "Love some good people?"
I grinned back at him. "Yeah, and think good things! You should know that I'm havin' some great thoughts right now."
I was walking backwards looking at Tim and I fell onto the sofa when I bumped into it. Tim dropped on top of me and started kissing me all over my face. "Mmmm. Do ya still love me, Dave? You need practice. Say it five times."
"If I don't?"
"I can't make ya say it, Dave, but I can make ya wish you had." He started tickling me and I started to squirm. He hit a good spot and I screamed.
"Ahhh! Okay, okay, Tim! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou! Was that five? I love you, Tim. I really do. Kiss me."
He did. It was a long, tender, passionate kiss. He pulled back a little and smiled. "What do you love best?"
I groaned. "Don't get goin' on parts again. I love you. All of you. The whole person that makes up Timmy Atkins. It ain't just some part, it's the whole thing. I love everything about you."
"You mean it? There's nothin' you don't like?"
"Well, since you mention it, you might try clippin' your toenails once in a while. You could scratch glass with them things."
"Wanna do it for me? I always get a cramp, so I put it off 'til I have to. I'll see if there's some clippers."
He jumped up and ran off to the bathroom, returning with a pair of clippers. He sat on the couch and pulled off his shoes and socks. I sat in front of him and he put his right foot in my lap. I took the clippers in my right hand and grabbed his ankle with my left. I went to bend his big toe up a little to get the proper angle and was rewarded with a kick that went right in front of my face.
"Quit foolin' around, Tim."
"I'll be more careful." I tried to just hold his toe steady. He squealed and jumped to his feet. "Damn, Tim. See if there's some novocaine or somethin' in that cabinet. Wait! Just stand there and maybe I can do it without touchin' you." I got on my hands and knees and tried to clip the nail on his little toe. He pulled his foot back and giggled. I let my forehead bang into the carpet. "Ok, Tim, try this. Just sit on the floor and let me sit on your leg. Maybe we can finish this before they grow any longer."
He sat down with his legs apart and straight out. I sat on his right knee facing away from him. I stuck my finger between his little toe and the next one. He squirmed and squealed, but I managed to clip the nail. I finally did finish the whole foot, then tickled the bottom of it until I was sure he'd pass out if I didn't stop. I turned around, pushed him to the floor and laid on top of him.
"You only did one foot. Aren't ya gonna do the other one?"
"You only paid for one. One kiss, one foot. Solly, no cledit."
"You speak Chinese?"
"You know what egg-foo-yung means backwards?"
"Fung Yoo, Egg!
We both started giggling. I could see he didn't want to pay up, so I took charge. I brought my lips to his giggling mouth and shut him right up. For a long time.
The night before our lovemaking had been passionate and intense. We had brought each other to orgasm time and again, but few words had been spoken, few thoughts shared. Today it was gentle, loving fun. We had nowhere to go and nothing left to prove. We explored each other, both emotionally and physically. We hugged, we kissed and we laughed. We also talked. We talked about what felt good, what felt really good, what felt a little strange. It was like our friendship and our love had joined to become one thing: a perfect thing.
I told Timmy how when we kissed I sometimes felt like I consisted of only a mouth, a heart, and just the little part of my brain that controlled those things, or reacted to them. The rest of me felt like one with the rest of Tim, the parts that had been born separately but needed to be together to mean anything, to function as designed. Our friendship had always worked because we worked off each other. Tim had always reasoned while I ranted, and he made me shut up. I had talked while Tim remained silent, and I got him to speak up. I was steel and he was satin. He polished me and I reinforced him.
There had always been an element of love in our friendship, but it had gone unrecognized in me and lay hidden away inside Tim. He felt it deeply, but was afraid to state it. Some little cell in my brain knew, but neglected to bring it to my attention.
Now we had love. Emotional and physical love. We were complete. A unit. We loved each other and we both knew it. We both said it. We both felt it.
I had faced my demons. They may not be gone yet, but they were out in the open and I knew them. I knew who and what they were. I could face them and conquer them. They weren't hiding anymore, fucking up my every thought. I felt more focused than I ever had in my life. I loved Timmy. I'd make Artie answer my questions. I loved Timmy. I'd face up to my mother. I loved Timmy. I'd put all the other crap behind me and look at what possibilities awaited me. I loved Timmy. I'd go back to school and do well. I loved Timmy!
I started to cry.
"What's wrong, Dave?"
"I - I'm just so damned happy I can't stand it. I never, ever felt like this. Not even close to this. I love you, Tim, and I'm not afraid to say it. I care now. Everything matters, especially you. My head has never been this clear. I got the best friends anybody ever had and from now on they're gonna know it. They're gonna know what I feel every day! My head's always been screwed up. You guys stuck with me, even when I was the worst kind of jerk. Tim, this has been the worst-best week of my life."
"Yeah, exactly. I hated hearin' all that stuff. I hated it. I think my brain exploded the other night. But you know what?"
"The good pieces are still working. The bad shit's gone. It's gone, Tim! I don't have any bad feelings anymore. I ain't afraid to love you, Tim, and I don't give a rat’s ass what anybody thinks about that. I'm just gonna care about what's important and have some fun. I'm gonna be as good as anybody can be.” I looked my question at him, “How'm I doing?"
Tim smiled, then chuckled. "How're you doing?"
"Yeah. Does it sound good?"
"It sounds fantastic! Aren't you serious, though?"
"I'm serious, Tim, deadly serious. I'm still practicing, though. Remember what you said ...?"
"Oh, yeah ... until you get it right?"
I started kissing his face. "How long you think it'll take?"
"Until I have it right."
"It's hard to tell. You're just a beginner, but you're showin' some promise."
"I think you need some practice too, Tim." I kept kissing him.
"You stopped feelin' me up ten minutes ago."
"You were gettin' all deep, Dave."
"It's your turn, Tim,” I panted. “See how deep you can get."Next Chapter Previous Chapter