What happened next is hard to tell. Some thought it was heaven, others thought it was hell. Either way it all happened so fast that details are hard to remember, and they get fuzzier with every passing moment.
To say the introduction with Jake was an anti-climax would be to put it kindly. My father passed out completely. From there things went like a whirlwind. Within a matter of seconds Jake had moved to me and with a brief touch of his hand to my forehead gave me all I needed to know. Julius was dead, and the demon weak. However he was still dangerous, and wanted Kyle for some reason even he didn’t seem to understand. I was ready to panic, what were we supposed to do without Julius?
But a least Jake had a plan. Now all I had to do was have the balls to carry it out.
Amonon concentrated in his hiding spot. This host would not survive a physical confrontation, and Amonon had become so weak from the battle that he was not sure how long he could animate this host. He needed the son! Wait, noises on the steps. One person. He watched from his vantage point and saw a youth pass in front of him to the hole in the wall, and then enter. A gasp of fright!
Good, he was already uneasy, must’ve seen the old bastard. It was time.
I tried, I swear I did. But I couldn’t help but be moved by Julius. He was most certainly dead, and it was too awful- just too much. For now that memory is clear, while other things have faded.
I felt a tingling on the back of my head, and Jake’s plea in my ear. This was impossible! I should run! But I can’t. For as long as I could remember I had been sad and frustrated, never feeling able to fully confide in anyone. Even now that my dad knew I couldn’t tell him about all the things that went through my mind like a highballing freight train. And Jake had accepted me, so I had to help a friend. Right? Even if he was dead. Right? But he had accepted me, sooo…
More than the lust that I felt so often, even after release in private was the lingering ache. That ache was loneliness, and I was overwhelmed with it. Even Kyle couldn’t know everything I thought. I mean, he knew I was attracted, but did he really know what I wanted to do to him? Or to have done to me? And would he then freak if he knew? And could I bear it if he did? No, I don’t think so. I was so alone at this moment that I could disappear forever and I don’t think it would have bothered me all that much.
My mind churned restlessly, the all-dominating sense of doom and loneliness reigned supreme with its courtiers self pity and depression growing larger by the moment. All at once it was too much and I sat down heavily. All I could think of was the time alone that I had experienced. The phone calls never received, the girl I had dated for a semblance of normalcy, and my shock when we broke up. I guess it would have helped if I had shown actual interest in her after asking her out, but what could I do about that now? Nothing, and the worst part was if I ever asked another girl out it would end the same way, because I was just different.
I was really prepared to do this now. At least Jake would live again, have his chance in the sun, maybe be the all-American son my parents must be thirsting for and not me. It would not be too hard, and I think it would work out. And I am sure Jake would look after Kyle for me, after all they are related, right?
So I stood and turned to face the noise that had been steadily creeping up on me and gazed into the face of Hubert. He was not much more than an animated corpse, pallid skin hanging from his bones with no more suppleness than oatmeal. His eyes seemed to be glazed over white, like extreme cataracts. He smiled, and so did I. I could now accomplish something in my life, I could use my torment for some good, my curse to route death itself.
Was I crazy? I mean I really have to wonder. Is this real, a fantasy where the noble hero dies for the cause? Or was I standing next to an open window in an asylum while the staff frantically raced toward the sick boy before he jumped out? I didn’t know, and that was perhaps the loneliest, scariest thing of all.
The fight wasn’t really much. I had visions of my own flyblown corpse impaled by a spike, head nodding in the wind. I saw my parents rejecting me, and embracing Jake. I saw Kyle slowly turn his bloodied face from me and walk away as though he couldn’t hear my desperate pleas. All this continued to fill the void that was in my mind until my anguish could no longer be contained.
Every lonely moment burst forth, all the afternoons after school that I spent by myself, every time I was chosen last, every time a cruel joke or attack was made upon me. Things I hadn’t even realized I was still holding on to came forth, from the large to the small, everything that ever made me feel weak, small and inadequate.
And everything seemed to hit Hubert like a physical blow. The time I was teased about being sun darkened and asked if I was black? From Africa, maybe? Yeah, his lips are big enough.
The time I was called by a girl and invited out, only to be stood up. The time I really thought I was in love and had my heart broken when ‘he’ dated ‘her’.
And then the granddaddy of them all, my worst nightmare. This too is so clear cause it hurt so badly. I was in math class, second period. I was down already after staying up half the night reading this new story and I always feel kinda down when a good story is over, or you have to wait till next week to see what happens, just seem to get depressed like I won’t see some good friends for a little while, you know? Then I notice some giggling, and I am wondering what the joke is and hoping it’s not me. Then I realized it was me.
"Beat off much?"
"Were you hopin’ to get caught, fagboy?"
"Lucky you didn’t get your ass kicked, queer."
Someone had started a rumor that I got caught jacking off in the bathroom. I looked around and it seemed to be coming from everywhere, and going to other classes didn’t help any. I was a pariah. Some girl then actually pushed me from behind on the stairs and I had the added stigma of having been beat up by a girl, Just some more ammunition for the crowds that were eerily like the ‘Lord of the Flies’ now, showing their savagery towards one who was weakened by the weight of their stares and slings of their comments.
Hubert reeled from me, and I suddenly felt as though this was something I could win. Suddenly it didn’t matter if this was all in my head, I was helping a friend. Knowing that I had it on the ropes, I pictured the crypt as it was, and then pictured Kyle rushing to my aid, and I did it in my own way. I saw him as I had that first day, glistening, smiling, and with me. The temptation and promise of salvation was too much.
Abruptly my vision ended and the demon rushed from Hubert for the youthful energy of Kyle that it needed so badly. Hubert’s body crumpled as his systems gave out en masse. But the demon had been beaten at its own game, as the figure it rushed for was Jake.
The two entities met like day and night, matter and anti-matter, yin and yang. The effect was…brilliant. Every color and hue in all their subtle glories were represented, and time seemed to slow. Light seemed to radiate from the walls themselves as the demon was consumed into the life giving fire that occupied the space where Jake had stood only a moment before.
As the corona began to subside, a new vision gradually replaced reality. I saw Jake, and next to him it seemed to be another youth. It seemed to be Julius, but very young. And behind them was Hubert, also much younger, and without the murder shining from his eyes.
Hubert smiled and faded away into nothingness while Jake and Julius seemed to glow even brighter.
"You did it." Their voices rang out in my mind, for their mouths didn’t move, and they then told me…something important, I think. Something I was supposed to remember, but…it all seems to be fading from the most recent memory going backward in time, like the more recent the memory the less I can recall it.
I think in a few hours I will have forgotten the whole thing; even now I can’t picture Kyle. He is getting fuzzy in my mind, even though he is, was…important.
All I can really recall is the emotions now, and even they are fading. Things just seem to be sliding away, getting more and more distant with each passing moment. Colors are fading and I think…I think I’m going …to…pass…
How did I get in bed so early? The sun is still out. I glanced about my room and the boxes suddenly jogged my memory.
Christ, my mom is moving to Boston and my dad is going to drag me off to butt-hole, Nevada where I am just certain things will be great. I wonder if it’s anything like Wyoming? Maybe a gay bashing mob will kill me too. Man, I wonder if things will ever get better?
I have to go and say goodbye to Chris in the morning, and he will never know how much I really valued his friendship. And how much I wanted him. I promised to write him, but I know myself, so we’ll see just how long that lasts. Just one more in a long line I can’t have, but he always stuck by me, so I have to do my best.
I hope a new beginning awaits me in Nevada. I have this feeling, kinda funny, but I feel kinda like I’ve been there before. Déjà vu I guess. And I think maybe it’ll be ok, cause Kyle is there. Huh? Where did that come from?
Maybe I can finally fall in love and be accepted for who and what I am. Maybe the frustration will end. Or maybe, just maybe I’ll meet someone like me?
Story rebooted in Begin Anew