Jamie woke to a rare treat on Saturday morning. Linc was staying the weekend with the Dudley’s, Kale and Chase were still in India and Robin was at Lake Winnipesaukee with the Kutsenko’s. His parents had taken Sean to visit his mother’s grave and planned to go out for lunch afterward. Jamie thought about going with his parents and almost twin but thought better of it. Sean had only been there a year and he didn’t get much time to bond with his dad and step-mother. Jamie was happy to give them some time alone and as a result he had the house to himself.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been home alone. His brothers were ever present, they always had friends over, Kale and his family came home for the summer; the place was a mad house. Jamie loved it, the vibrancy that came from being surrounded by the people he loved, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to a little piece and quiet. If he were feeling particularly honest he’d admit to being the most rambunctious of the bunch but that didn’t mean he never needed a break.
When he finally decided to get out of bed, Jamie slipped a pair of gym shorts over his tighty whities and went down to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. He frequently went without a shirt if he wasn’t planning to go out and didn’t bother slipping into one then. Why be so formal when all you were going to do was eat Coco Puffs and watch TV? He grabbed a bowl, cereal and milk, took them over to the breakfast bar and sat down to eat when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was a text from Emily.
Whatcha doin? It read.
He was about to text back when he got a better idea. He held the spoon up to his mouth, smiled for the camera and snapped a selfie instead. He sent the picture to Emily and while he waited for a response he thought about how happy he was to be getting to know her. It had only been a week since she’d stuck him with her terror of a little brother but they’d gone out for ice cream once and he’d hung out with her at her house a few times. She’d kissed him and while he wouldn’t call her his girlfriend, he liked her very much and thought there was potential there.
Nice tits :) Emily responded.
They texted back and forth for a few minutes and Jamie put his phone back in his pocket when Emily said she was going shopping with her mom. Jamie finished his breakfast, rinsed his bowl and put it in the dishwasher then set about planning his day. He thought about going for a run or a swim, after all, he and Sean would be leaving for football camp in a couple of weeks and he wanted to stay in shape. Eventually he decided to wait until his brother came home to do any exercise, Sean needed to stay active too and working out with his brother was always more fun. In the end he decided to play some Xbox and made himself comfortable in the basement.
He took the pillows off the couch and piled them up on the floor. He leaned back against them and waited for Grand Theft Auto V to load. He and Sean had picked the game up a few weeks earlier but hadn’t been able to play it much. It was exceedingly violent and his mom wouldn’t allow them to play it while Linc was around. Linc was always around, he loved spending time with his uncles and the feeling was mutual. The game loaded and Jamie was just starting the first mission when the doorbell rang.
“Shit,” he swore. He let out a sigh and put the controller down knowing that he was probably going to find a Jehovah Witness at his door. He was pleasantly surprised when he found Asher standing on his doorstep instead. “Asher, my man! What’s up?”
“Not much,” Asher replied. “Scotty ditched me to hang out with Katie so I thought I’d see what you and Sean were up to.”
“Awww, dude, I’m sure he didn’t ditch you…”
“I know, I was kidding.” Asher grinned.
Scotty was Asher’s foster brother and Jamie’s best friend. Neither of them had seen much of Scotty since he started going out with Katie but they understood. They’re friend was in love, or trying to get some, either way they respected his need to be around Katie as often as he could.
“Come in, come in,” said Jamie as he waved Asher through the door.
“Boy, its quiet in here,” Asher observed as Jamie shut the door behind him.
“Weird, isn’t it?” asked Jamie. “Everyone had plans today; I’ve got the place to myself.”
“Oh, Sean’s not home?”
“Nope, you’ll have to objectify me instead,” Jamie winked.
“Pssh, whatever.” Asher laughed.
“Let’s go down to the basement,” said Jamie, “I was just firing up the Xbox when you rang the bell.”
Asher followed Jamie down the basement stairs and in spite of his earlier comment he watched him intently. Jamie looked like Sean in so many ways it was almost creepy but with his shirt off it was easier to tell the difference. Both boys were athletic, having played freshman football and JV tennis, but Jamie was the more muscular of the two. His body was lean; his pecs were firming up and though you couldn’t quite see it yet, with a few more months of working out Jamie would have a nice little six pack. But Jamie wasn’t just cute. He had a lot of his brother’s good qualities, among them being one of the most loyal friends Asher ever had. That thought made him feel bad for the way he was staring at Jamie’s butt as he descended the stairs and he shook it off as they entered the basement.
Jamie grabbed a few more pillows from the couch and made a place for Asher to sit next to him then grabbed an extra controller from the entertainment center. He turned off Grand Theft Auto and put Modern Warfare on instead; it was two players and they’d be able to spend the morning blowing each other away rather than waiting for their turn.
“What is it with you and Sean anyway?” asked Jamie as he started picking his way through the first map.
“What do you mean?”
“You looked disappointed when I told you he wasn’t here.”
“Sure, he’s my friend.”
“Yeah but I’m your friend too.”
“I know, it’s just…” Asher trailed off.
“Oh Sean, kiss, kiss, kiss,” Jamie giggled as he mimicked Asher’s voice.
“Shut up,” said Asher, giving him a playful shove in return.
“Just saying, we’re practically twins but you look at him like he’s the second coming and at me like I’m a rack of yard tools at Home Depot,” said Jamie.
“It has nothing to do with your looks. Sean, well, he’s always been nice to me, even when I was being an asshole to him.”
“Hey, I’m nice!”
“Yeah, now!” Asher laughed. “You threatened to kick my ass when you caught me talking to Sean at that GSA meeting.”
“Well, I thought you were a black hat then,” said Jamie.
“You know, one of the bad guys, like in an old western.”
“And you’re one of the good guys?” asked Asher. There was a glint in his eye buy Jamie wasn’t looking and didn’t see it.
“I try to be but more than anything I as looking out for Sean. I was afraid you were going to hurt him.”
“I know that now and that’s one of the things I like about you, the way you look out for your friends and family,” said Asher.
“Well, someone has too, Sean can’t fight for shit.” Jamie giggled.
Asher chuckled too. He’d heard the story about how Sean had taken a punch from Jason Riley last fall, a punch that was meant for Jamie. Asher couldn’t believe it when he heard the story. Most of the people he hung out with now were Jamie and Scotty’s football buddies. Jason was one of them and Asher thought of him as something of a teddy bear. Sure, he was big and probably scary if you were facing him on the field but Asher thought of him as quiet and kind of shy.
“Anyway, how are things with Emily?” asked Asher, changing the subject.
“So far so good. We’ve hung out a little bit, she’s cool and I want to see where it goes,” said Jamie.
“That’s cool, she’s pretty, I mean for a girl.” Asher winked.
“Speaking of,” said Jamie, “how are things at home?”
“What do you mean speaking of?” asked Asher.
“Well, what I mean is, Scotty’s a nice looking guy and…”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Asher laughed. “I am not crushing on Scotty. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m crushing on every guy I meet.”
“No shit,” Jamie agreed. “But he’s handsome, right?”
“And straight and has a girlfriend…”
“But he’s cute?”
“Yeah.” Asher sighed.
“So, how do you deal with that? I mean – look. If I had a hot foster sister, I'd probably get caught checking out her boobs or something.”
“No, you wouldn't,” Asher said quietly.
“Think I'm that slick?”
“No. You wouldn't look. At least, not on purpose.”
Jamie sat quietly staring at Asher for a moment. Asher was unable to read his gaze but could tell the gears were turning behind those blue eyes.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” said Jamie, turning back to the game.
“I know I’m right,” Asher stated confidently. “You'd understand how difficult circumstances would have brought her to your home. You’d know the last thing she'd need would be some creepy guy checking her out. You’d understand she wouldn't be like the girls at school.”
Jamie looked at him, his eyes a little wider than normal. “But what if she had really big, nice-”
“You know you wouldn't. Why pretend like you would?”
“I'm...I-I'm not saying I would,” he spluttered. “I'm just...you know...”
“Sorry, Jamie.” Asher chuckled. “I know you way better than I used to. But, I'm going to let you off the hook and answer the question I think you meant to ask.”
Jamie raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.
“You're right, Scott is a nice looking guy and that’s not lost on me but you have to understand something,” Asher started. “When I got put in Kilmer Hills, I was so pissed and scared and miserable. But then I realized I was getting fed. I was getting someone to talk to who seemed to want to help me. Then I went to a group home where I still got fed and where adults were responsible and didn't let...things happen.”
“You didn't get fed?”
Asher shook his head. “When I lived with my dad, the last meal I had was lunch at school on Friday until breakfast at school Monday morning, a lot of times.”
“No one did. But that's not my point,” said Asher. “My point is; I realized I was happier in the county's custody than I was in my father's. When Scott's family...when he went to bat for me, I promised him I wouldn't screw it up. So I spend all my time watching him and his family so I can learn how to be someone's family.”
“Wow.” Jamie turned his face away for a moment. “That's pretty powerful stuff.”
“Yeah. It's been life-changing.”
“That's interesting,” said Jamie, pausing the game to glance at Asher. “I was thinking it's got to be hard if you already like someone – like, the way you like Sean – and then can't make it work. Can you imagine how tough it would have been if you moved in with us?”
“Yeah, that might have been harder. He's supported me from the start, and it's easy to develop feelings for someone that cares – especially if you're not used to it.”
“Ok, so, Sean was cool to you right off. But you talked to him first, a fact he still won't shut up about, so why'd you do it?” asked Jamie. “You couldn't know he'd be a good guy.”
“You’re right, I had no idea, but why are you interested?”
“I'm curious,” Jamie shrugged. “I mean, everyone talks about how we look alike.”
“I'd have known if I was talking to you, though. You're not identical.”
“No, I know that,” Jamie agreed. “But you walked right up and told him he was cute. That was ballsy.”
“Well, I didn’t really plan it,” said Asher, heat rising in his face.
“I'm just trying to figure out what made you go for him. You didn’t know what he’d be like, but you picked him over me.”
“Jamie, I still don't understand why you're curious at all,” Asher replied.
“Come on, what's Sean got that I don't? Huh?”
“What?” Asher giggled.
“Seriously,” said Jamie. “How come it’s always 'Sean's so dreamy', but never me?”
“Because his first instinct is to smile at people, yours is to challenge them. I've grown up a lot in the last few months, and I appreciate your attitude, some. But...”
“What? Come on, we look the same!” Jamie waved at his face, which was incredibly similar to Sean's.
“Jamie.” Asher sighed. “It didn’t matter what Sean looked like. All I knew was he had a kind smile and it somehow made it feel ok to blurt out I thought he was cute. What's the big deal? You want me to say you’re too?”
“Yeah. Well, no, I guess it doesn't matter.” Jamie sighed. “I guess what bugs me is I always chase girls, but none of them ever come after me. Remember when Sean told you no one had ever approached him? How good it made him feel?”
“Seriously, Jamie? With all the girls you’ve dated, you're butt hurt 'cause a gay guy hasn't commented on your abs or something?”
“Not exactly,” said Jamie.
“I really don't get this,” Asher laughed. “You've had a string of girlfriends as long as I’ve known you and your ego is suffering because you had to hunt them down?”
“No, it’s just, well, girls come up to me and ask about Sean, too. I'm trying to figure out what it is that draws them to him. Why don't I have it too?”
“You're different people, Jamie. You're both awesome, just different.”
“If you say so.” Jamie sighed and then turned the tables on his friend. “Why aren't you dating anyone, yet? Got your eye on anyone, besides Sean?”
“Not like I have many options.” Asher rolled his eyes.
“Saving your first kiss for Sean?” Jamie teased.
Asher stiffened and his eyes went wide. It didn’t go unnoticed.
“Fuck.” Jamie shook his head. “I'm sorry, that was a shitty thing to say.”
“I should probably head home,” said Asher, setting his game controller on the carpet in front of him.
“You don’t have to go. I was just busting your nuts. I wasn’t trying to be a dick.”
“No, it just seems to happen naturally.” Asher grinned.
“I deserve that.” Jamie hung his head.
“Yeah,” said Asher, but he picked up his controller and resumed the game.
“So,” said Jamie, picking up the conversation, “With things different now, how come you aren't dating? I know you said a small pool of guys or something, but you must have someone in mind, right?”
“I've had a few,” Asher admitted.
“Like who? Maybe I can help!”
“No. Absolutely not,” Asher exclaimed, laughter infusing his words.
“Why not? I am the master at asking people out! Look how well my plan worked out with Linc and Casey.”
“I agree, that was brilliant,” said Asher with a giggle. “It’s nice that you want to help but really, no, thank you but no.”
“Suit yourself but still, give!” said Jamie, poking Asher in the ribs. “You always get to hear us talking about the girls we like, spill it!”
“Jamie! Quit it!” Asher laughed, pushing his prodding finger away.
“Nope, not till you give!”
“Okay, alright! Stop!” Asher giggled.
Jamie backed off just a bit, but kept his fingers close, wiggling them threateningly.
“Come on, out with it!”
“Alright but, just so you know, you aren't on the list!”
“What?” Jamie exclaimed in fake outrage. He tackled Asher and wrestled him down on the carpet.
“Ok, ok! You're on the list!” Asher hollered.
“Ahead of Sean?”
“Yeah, sure! Whatever you want!” Asher grunted.
Jamie eased up a bit but stayed on top of Asher, smiling down at him, confident and victorious.
“Dick,” Asher muttered.
“I shouldn't have to work this hard to get you to admit you like me,” Jamie teased.
“Sean's sexier.” Asher taunted
“Excuse me?” said Jamie, quirking an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah, that smile, he dresses so nice…”
Asher took advantage of Jamie’s outrage and launched a counter attack. The boys rolled around on the carpet, battling for dominance, but Asher had a slight weight advantage over Jamie and managed to pin him down, holding his wrists above his head.
“Ha! Take that,” Asher hooted triumphantly.
“Oh hell no,” Jamie grunted and tried to wiggle out from under his friend.
Asher just laughed. Jamie was a better athlete but he’d screwed up and given Asher the advantage. Now that Asher was on top and had his wrists pinned there was no way for Jamie to break loose. Jamie came to the same realization and started to settle down, that’s when Asher became acutely aware of what all the friction had done to him. He was hard as a rock and could feel himself digging into Jamie’s thigh. He started to blush but then noticed Jaime was hard too. His erection was pressing into Asher’s stomach.
“So, um…” Asher mumbled, still holding Jamie down.
Asher released Jamie’s wrists and started to pull away from him when something completely unexpected happened. Jamie put his hand behind Asher’s neck and pulled him down to his face until they were nose to nose, eye to eye. Asher looked into Jamie’s blue eyes searching for whatever was going on in his head when Jamie kissed him. His lips were stiff and tight at first but when Jamie didn’t pull back Asher’s entire body relaxed and he welcomed the kiss.
“What was that?” Asher whispered when the lip lock broke.
“I-I don’t know,” Jamie panted.
Asher opened his mouth to speak but then Jamie kissed him again. This time Asher submitted to his desires immediately and kissed back. Jamie wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him close, chest to chest, as his lips parted and he welcomed Asher’s tongue into his mouth.
What the fuck is happening! The voice in Jamie’s head screamed to be heard but it was ignored as lust took over. Jamie never once thought about kissing a boy but there he was, on his back, his friend in his arms, their tongues dueling. Every ounce of reason in his body was screaming for him to stop but he couldn’t deny the eroticism of the moment or the steel in his erection as it pressed into his friend.
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! The voices in Asher’s head were screaming just as loudly and being completely ignored. He didn’t understand what was happening but he knew Jamie wasn’t gay. He knew he should stop, that this could forever damage their friendship but at the same time he was 14, horny, and on top of one of the cutest guys in his class. Jamie didn’t show any signs of stopping either, especially when they stopped for breath and he pulled on the hem of Asher’s t-shirt.
Asher sat up on he’s knees and removed the shirt, throwing it aside. He looked down at Jamie who stared at him lustily.
“Jamie, what the fuck?”
“I don’t know. But help me take these off,” said Jamie as he raised his hips and pushed his gym shorts down.
Asher grabbed the shorts and pulled them down Jamie’s long legs leaving him in his socks and white Jockey briefs. He started to lie back down on top of him but paused when Jamie’s hand pressed into his stomach. Jamie deftly unbuttoned Asher’s jeans and pulled down the zipper, he then pulled Asher to him and a small moan escaped his mouth as their erections ground into each other.
“Oh my God,” Asher moaned as Jamie humped himself against him.
“Don’t stop,” Jamie moaned as his hands found their way into the back of Asher’s jeans and pushed them down.
They wrapped their arms around each other and rolled around on the carpet as they kissed and humped each other with a passion neither could comprehend. Asher found himself back on top and started kissing his way down Jamie’s body. He felt a moment of pause as he came face to face with the bulge in Jamie’s briefs.
“Do it Asher,” Jamie whispered. “Please?”
Asher looked up and when his eyes met Jamie’s he found them almost pleading. He hooked his fingertips in Jamie’s waistband and pulled his underpants down to his knees. He licked Jamie’s balls and when Jamie moaned in pleasure Asher moved to his dick and swallowed the head.
Jamie continued to moan and writhe as Asher sucked him. He’d been blown before but it hadn’t been like this. It hadn’t been so passionate or so all encompassing. He felt a connection to Asher that made the experience so much more fulfilling. He also felt a hunger he’d never experienced and couldn’t fathom but also couldn’t deny.
“Asher, stop, stop,” Jamie panted.
Asher stopped immediately, afraid he’d done something wrong. He looked up at Jamie but the desire was still there, still smoldering in his eyes.
“I uh, I want to, you know…”Jamie blushed.
“You want to what?” asked Asher, confused.
“I uh, I want to uh, I want to you know, suck yours too.”
“You want to 69?”
“Uh huh,” Jamie nodded.
Asher kicked off his jeans then moved into position. He straddled Jamie, one knee on either side of his head. He wasn’t exactly sure what to do next but decided to leave that move up to Jamie as he leaned down and continued to suck him least the moment pass.
Jamie stared up at the bulge in Asher’s boxers. He’d seen plenty of hardon’s in his life but never felt the urge to put one in his mouth until now. He reached up and ran his hand over Asher’s tent, sending a shudder through Asher’s body. He pulled the boxers down as far as he could and Asher lifted his legs so Jamie could get them out of his face. It was a bit awkward but Asher never missed a beat as he continued to bob up and down on Jamie.
Jamie came eye to eye with Asher’s erection and stuck his tongue out tentatively. He moved slowly until the tip of his tongue made contact with Asher’s glans, sending another shudder through his body. Jamie wasn’t sure what he expected it to taste like but it wasn’t bad. It kind of reminded him of sucking his thumb when he was a little boy. He fluttered his tongue over the head for a moment and then took it in his mouth. He almost gaged when Asher pushed his hips down and fed him too much but Asher pulled back until Jamie grabbed his hips and stopped him. After a moment they got into a rhythm as Asher slowly humped his mouth.
Both boys were inexperienced lovers and it didn’t take long for them to reach a climax. Asher had been sucking Jamie longer and when Jamie started to cum first; Asher drank the fluid down, savoring the salty sweetness of it. His own orgasm began as he swallowed Jamie’s. He filled Jamie’s mouth but Jamie gently pushed him off and the last of it spilled on his lips. As much as he’d enjoyed the act of sex he didn’t want Asher’s cum in his mouth and he spit it onto one of the throw pillows, knowing he’d have to wash it.
Asher rolled off of Jamie and turned around to lie next to him. The reached down and pulled their underwear up as each of them tried to make sense out of what had just happened.
“I, uh, I don’t know what to say,” said Asher.
“I’m not gay,” Jamie replied abruptly.
“I know that,” said Asher. “I don’t know what happened. One minute we were just talking and then…”
“Yeah,” Jamie agreed.
“Are you mad?”
“No,” Jamie shook his head. “Confused.”
“Yeah.” Asher agreed.
They laid in silence, each wrestling with his thoughts when they heard footsteps upstairs.
“Shit,” Jamie exclaimed. “My parents, Sean!”
“Shit,” Asher agreed as the scrambled to put their clothes on.
Jamie grabbed his gym shorts and slipped them on then took the cum stained pillow over to the washing machine and threw it in while Asher struggled to do up his pants. Dressed they dashed up the stairs and ran into Sean and Mr. and Mrs. Kirkwood in the kitchen.
“Hey guys,” Sean greeted them with one of his trademark smiles.
“Hey,” said Jamie.
“Hi, um, I gotta go,” said Asher as he pushed past Sean and scrambled for the door.
“What was that about?” asked Sean, a confused expression on his face.
“He wasn’t feeling good,” Jamie covered.
“Were you boy’s roughhousing?” asked Mrs. Kirkwood. “You look flushed.”
“Yeah, uh, we were wrestling and Asher must have had an upset stomach or something. He uh, threw up.”
“Poor dear,” said Mrs. Kirkwood. “I’ll go down and clean up.”
“No, that’s ok mom. He barfed on one of the throw pillows so I tossed it in the washer.”
“Really?” she exclaimed.
“Yes mom, I can do some thing’s myself.” Jamie rolled his eyes.
“I’ll remember that the next time you tell me you don’t have any clean underwear.” She grinned.
“Whatever,” said Jamie as he left the kitchen and went up to his room.
“That was weird,” said Sean.
“Ah, you know Jamie, he probably feels bad for making Asher throw up but doesn’t want to look like a wimp for having feelings,” Mr. Kirkwood reasoned.
“Yeah, probably,” said Sean though he was unconvinced.
When Jamie got to his room he lay down on his bed and hid his face in his pillow. He was upset but he wasn’t sure what exactly he was upset about. When the Hoover had blown him he felt ashamed afterward. He’d told Sean about it, told him how there had been no romance in it and how he wanted to be in love with someone. He was not in love with Asher Romanski, but he didn’t feel the same sense of shame he’d felt with the Hoover. To tell the truth he’d enjoyed the sex immensely and that shocked him. He’d never had feelings for a boy but the sensation of their two bodies working together to bring them off, it was amazing. He may not have liked Asher’s cum in his mouth but he didn’t mind sucking his dick, he’d liked it even.
It was all so confusing and as he lay there Jamie started to feel like that was his contribution to life, confusing situations.
Asher practically ran home and was glad to find Scotty was still out when he got there. Running into Scotty would have meant questions and he wasn’t in the mood to talk. Like Jamie he’d gone to his room to lie down but as soon as his head hit the pillow the tears came. It’s not that he was ashamed of what he’d done, it felt good and he really hadn’t been in control of himself.
What upset him, what scared him, was the fear that settled in as soon as he’d gotten dressed and his eyes met Jamie’s. They weren’t in love, Jamie wasn’t gay. Asher knew that in his heart despite the fact that Jamie had sucked him off. He’d known it the entire time they were having sex. He didn’t understand why it had happened but now that it was over he was afraid he’d lose his friend. What if it freaked Jamie out? What if Jamie was angry and didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore? He’d lose two friends then. He was sure that Sean wouldn’t hang out with him if he suspected Asher had done something to his brother.
It was a horrible thought. Who else might he lose because he’d ignored the voice in his head and listened to the one coming from his dick? He’d gotten off and loved it, but at what cost? He laid there waiting for life as he knew it to come to a crushing end and fell asleep crying into his pillow.
When Sean walked into his room he wasn’t surprised to find Jamie crying. He knew there was something up when Jamie left the kitchen but Sean had the good sense to keep it to himself rather than involve their parents before he had a clear picture. He shut the door and walked over to Jamie’s bed, sat next to him and placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“You know,” Sean started. “The first night I slept in this room I would have cried myself to sleep if you hadn’t comforted me.”
“Yeah?” Jamie sniffled.
“Just saying, I’m here.”
Jamie sat up and put his arms around Sean then buried his face in his brother’s neck.
“It’s alright,” Sean soothed him. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I can’t,” said Jamie as he started to get control of himself and wiped his eyes.
“But you can. I’m your brother, you can talk to me about anything,” Sean assured him.
“I know and I love you for it dude but it’s not all my problem to talk about.”
“Yeah,” Jamie nodded.
“What happened?” Sean pressed.
“Nothing bad, that’s all I can say.”
“So you want me to call him and…”
“No! Sean, you can’t, ok? You can’t say anything to him. You have to let me work it out.”
“Ok, I guess, since you won’t tell me what happened. But Jamie, he’s had enough shit in his life. You and I have it pretty good, he doesn’t need either of us fucking with him,” said Sean. “You know?”
“I know, I really do Sean. I’ll make it right.”
“Yeah, I have faith in that,” said Sean, then he kissed the top of his brother’s head. “You always clean up your messes.”
When Scotty got home he tried to figure out what was wrong with Asher but his foster brother wouldn’t open up. He told Scotty and his foster parents that he just wasn’t feeling good and that got him through the night. The next morning he stuck to his story and stayed home while the rest of the family went to church.
Jamie started thinking a lot more clearly after his chat with Sean but he knew better than to reach out to Asher that day. He needed to give him a little space to sort out his own thoughts before he tried to resolve the issue. On Sunday morning Jamie joined his family at church like usual and sat in a pew with Sean while his parents chatted with friends before the service.
Jamie and Scotty had been friends since birth; mostly because their families were close. The Ellis’s had belonged to Sanitaria Springs First Methodist almost as long as the Kirkwood’s and Jamie kept looking over his shoulder, waiting for them to arrive. Just when he couldn’t take the waiting anymore he saw Scotty walk through the door. Scotty saw his buddy and greeted him with a fist bump and a cheeky smile.
“Sup bud?” asked Scotty.
“Where’s Asher?” Jamie replied.
“Home, he wasn’t feeling too good last night and mom let him stay in bed this morning,” said Scotty.
“Shit,” Jamie swore, earning him a reproachful look from some of the elderly parishioners.
“What’s up?” asked Sean.
“I’ve gotta go take care of something,” said Jamie as he started walking up the aisle.
“Jamie…” Sean called after him but he didn’t stop, he was on a mission.
“What the hell?” asked Scotty.
“Who knows,” Sean shrugged his shoulders.
Asher covered his head with a pillow when the knocking started. He didn’t know who might be downstairs but anyone who knew his family would have known they were at church and anyone else, well, he wasn’t interested in talking to them right now.
“What the fuck’s the deal with not answering the door?” Jamie demanded.
“Jamie, what are you doing here?” Asher asked in surprise when he rolled over and found Jamie standing in his room. “How did you get in?”
“Please, I’ve known the Ellis’s all my life, like I don’t know where they hide the spare key,” Jamie grinned.
“Ok, that doesn’t answer why you’re here though.”
“I came to fix things.”
“Oh, what are you talking about?”
“Come on Asher, I know you’re upset about yesterday. You ran out of my house, Scotty says you were sick yesterday, you didn’t come to church…”
“So what if I am?”
“It’s not ok, Jamie, what we did, it…”
“It was awesome,” Jamie grinned.
“Well, didn’t you think so?”
“Yeah, I mean I guess I did but…”
“But now you’re afraid things are going to be weird between us?”
“You don’t love me, Jamie. You’re not even gay…”
“No, I’m not. Honestly I have no idea what happened yesterday. I mean if you told me yesterday morning I was going to suck some guy’s dick I would have said you must be looking for Robin, two doors down on the left.” Jamie giggled.
“Jamie, it’s not funny.”
“Come on, it’s a little funny.”
But Asher didn’t laugh. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the ground.
“Ok, look,” Jamie started. “The first time I got my dick sucked was by an older girl at the country club and when it was over I felt terrible. The second time was yesterday and when it was over I felt terrible…”
“See, I knew…”
“I felt terrible but not for the same reason. With her I felt terrible because there wasn’t any love behind it. It was just getting off and it wasn’t even very good. But yesterday, with you? Holy shit, Ash, that was the hottest thing in the history of sex!”
“What? But you don’t love me and…”
“You see, I came to a realization yesterday. The reason it was so much better with you is because I do love you.”
“We’re not going to fall in love and get married or anything.” Jamie giggled. “But I still love you. I love all of my friends. I’ve always felt overly attached to my buddies and I realized last night that it’s love. I don’t just like people. When they come into my life and make an impression, like you have, I love them. Weird isn’t it?”
“Maybe, I don’t know.”
“I think it’s weird but I can’t deny it, I love you man. And you love me too. I’m not ashamed of what we did because I know I’m not just some notch on your bed post. You care about people the same way I do, with all your heart,” said Jamie as he kissed Asher on the cheek.
“Don’t do that,” said Asher.
“Afraid you won’t be able to resist ripping my clothes off?” Jamie grinned.
“You see, that right there is the problem. This happened and now you’re going to think I want to screw you every time I look at you.”
“Please, I thought that before we did it,” Jamie teased.
“Jamie, I’m serious.”
“And I’m trying to show you that you don’t have to be so serious. We fucked, so what?”
“We didn’t fuck, I doubt you’d be walking so well if we had,” Asher snapped. Jamie roared with laughter.
“You really have to start letting me make my point before interrupting me,” said Jamie. “What I was trying to get at is ok, we fooled around but I’m ok with it. It doesn’t have to be weird unless we make it weird.”
“How is it not weird? I put my dick in your mouth!”
“Yeah, that was interesting. I really didn’t see it coming but I was living in the moment and thought, what the hell.”
“What if it happens again?” Asher sighed.
“What if it does? We’re both single, who gets hurt if we mess around again?”
“You want to do it again?” Asher raised an eyebrow.
“I’m not saying that, exactly. I’m just saying, we’re not attached, I know you don’t have those kind of feelings for me, we didn’t hurt each other, we didn’t betray anyone. Why can’t it just be a special memory between two friends?”
“I don’t know.” Asher sighed.
“Look, Asher, you’re my friend. I love you. As far as I’m concerned what happened yesterday was just a cool experience between two buddies, if it happened again under the same set of circumstance I’d still think the same way. I’m not going to lose your friendship over this.”
“What about Sean?”
“Kinky but I can’t say that I blame you. I’ve whacked it to twin porn before I just never thought I’d be one…”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Asher rolled his eyes.
“Yeah I know and you know me well enough to know I couldn’t let it pass without a smart remark.”
“True enough,” Asher admitted. “Does he hate me now?”
“Why would he?”
“He doesn’t think I used you because I can’t have him?”
“You didn’t use me and he doesn’t know.”
“You didn’t tell him?”
“Hell no, it’s none of his business. Yesterday was for you and me. Fuck, Ash, I’m kind of glad it happened.”
“What?” Asher exclaimed.
“It made me feel closer to you. I think I understand you a little better now.”
“Sure, I mean, I knew you were upset, I might have missed that before but, being with you yesterday, we were totally reacting to each other’s cues. I think I have a better feel for you now.”
“Maybe,” Asher agreed.
“So, still buds?” asked Jamie, holding his fist out to Asher.
“Yeah,” Asher smiled and bumped Jamie’s fist with his own. “Yeah, I’d like that. I’d like it a lot.”